On Day 8, we went through an orientation/cultural familiarization in Malaybalay, given to us Elle and Jodi. Elle and her husband Mark moved here about 10 months ago from Kansas City to work with KIM. Most of the orientation was what to expect and what is expected. But something in the talk hit me, maybe harder than it should have. Someone instructed that we should not hold the babies or toddlers too much or after we leave they will want to be held and there will be no one to hold them. I know what was meant. It's totally true. If you hold a child all the time, everytime they want to be held, they are going to want that all the time. And the staff here is just not capable of holding every child all of the time. They care for these children so much, but they just don't have the numbers. But it struck me much deeper than that. I hadn't even really met any of the children at this point and already I was getting a glimpse of what it would be like to walk in and then out of their lives. We will show them love in everyway that we know how, but eventually, we will have to leave. Why? Why doesn't each of these children have a mother and a father to take care of them? Or even aunts and uncles, or a grandma? I wonder this, but at the same time know that these children have been rescued from a much darker place. They have been brought into the light. It's very possible that they have better accomodations than most of their classmates, but where is the love? The men and women who run the ministry here love these children so so so much. I know this. I know it because I've seen it. They are loved and cared for and they are told about Jesus and have devotional time twice a day. More than most people that I know. They are being richly cared for and developed and loved, so loved. So why does my heart break when someone tells me not to hold the baby or the baby will get used to being held and then won't be able to be held all of the time when I'm gone? Why does it pull at the strings of my heart when I know that it would be the same scenerio with any child left in my care back in the US, if I held them too much, they would want that all the time. The difference is that we are going to love them and leave them. Do they understand that we will love them even after we go? Is loving them helping them? In the moment it sure feel like it. When JC's bed sheets and clothes need to be changed because he had an accident, when A needs a lap to sit on, when H.L. is crying in the middle of the night, and when G.M. is whimpering at the breakfast table because the others didn't make enough room for his chair… in those moments, it feels like we're doing something really good. Giving the toddlers and the older kids the one on one attention that they need and crave. Feeding and bathing the little ones, and helping the older kids with their homework and reminding them to do their chores. And all the while, my heart breaking for the moment where we drive away and say goodbye.
