I never know what to title these things…..
This past week I’ve felt a myriad of different emotions. I’ve felt triumph, doubt, exhaustion, peace, worry, gladness, welcome. I’ve felt whatever you’re supposed to feel when you stand in the midst of poverty and whatever you’re supposed to feel when you receive undue blessing and encouragement.
I honestly don’t know what I’m doing here or why I stayed other than God told me to. I wish I had more vision and direction than that. I wish I had a plan. It would be so much easier if I knew what I was aiming for. Do I run when they say run or do I say actually I’m much better at jumping?
I don’t know what my comfort zone entails anymore, but I think I’m out of it and I find myself fighting to get back to some unknown level of comfort.
I fight with myself a lot. I fight my preconceived emotions and assumptions. I fight against
searching for where I would fit in verses just helping where there is need.
I fight against using my voice even though I know I should continue to use it.
I fight against the culture.
I fight against my thoughts of insecurity.
I am a fighter. I’m praying God directs my battles and takes away this internal battle of doubt so I can focus my energy on more worthy battles.
I’m way to flexible for my own good….it’s going to get me exhausted. It’s tiring to do things that are not your natural gifting but incredibly amazing when God shows up and uses you anyways.
I was telling a story to illustrate Matthew 13 when Jesus is talking about the Kingdom of heaven at one of my English Lesson/kid’s program. I asked the kids what they would think if their dad came home and told them they would be selling EVERYTHING to go and buy this new land. One of the kids said they would feel stupid.
I wondered why he said stupid or if that was a translation error. But it fits.
Sometimes I feel stupid. Sometimes I feel crazy.
But the kingdom of heaven is like a treasure that a man discovered hidden in a field. In his excitement, he hid it again and sold everything he owned to get enough money to buy the field – and to get the treasure, too! (Matthew 13:44)
I took part in/lead children’s programs in 9 different villages this past week, returning to many of them up to 4 times. Meeting on the street, in a tent, in people's home's/yards, or by a stream. I came to the conclusion I will not be returning as a children’s director (I could have told you that before I even started). Praise the Lord regardless; I think they went very smoothly. But there is a major need for a Children’s Director to help join the team here. If you are gifted with teaching children, every morning I’m praying God puts it on your heart to come to Romania. They are so precious and welcoming! COME!
I will be working in other villages this week, doing house visits, taking BP’s, and probably more children’s programs. Man, I miss my teammates and their different giftings, it was so much easier with their help. Praying I learn to communicate and rely on the missionaries here as I did with my world race team.
I hopefully will also be able to work with the UK team that is coming. The following week we are having a youth retreat in the mountains where I will be in-charge of the budget for meals and possibly preparing them. (OH LORD HELP ME).
I am only a servant who is simply doing my duty…… (Luke 17:10)
Love from Romania,
Megan
