Those words sound strange to me. yes, I am in America. This very strange yet familiar land.
I've been here <24 hours and all I have noticed is that the refigerator is a lot bigger here. Wider and possibly taller. There are no gates surrounding homes and there is a lack of stray dogs. The roads are wide and the street signs and lights are easily findable. Or maybe I just know where to look here. I understand what's being said around me. And it's true I keep wanting to put the toilet paper in the trash can.
I left Romania on Thursday.
I met my brother Jason and my sister lydia in Brussels, Belgium.
I'm currently in Boston to see my older sister Crystal and her fiance.
And tomorrow morning I fly into Chicago to spend a day with the rest of my family before I drive to Georgia with my father for a thing called Project Search Light (which will hopefully help me figure out what's next or simply help me process what it means to be back).
I've noticed it's become easy to say goodbye and the staying is what's hard. I'll continue to be on the move until Sept 25th and then I have to wrap my mind around what it means to stay.
Currently I don't know what's next, but I have a peace that I don't understand. A peace that goes past my understanding.
I feel like during the last week in Romania I started shutting down. I started asking for a schedule and things to do. I started needing simple tasks with not a lot of thought needed, because my brain would literally not let me process.
Last night when I arrived in Boston, I needed my sister to order for me, because I couldn't concentrate on the menu (granted I had been traveling for the past 24 hrs).
I have this strange desire to return to normal. To do what I know. To escape into uncaring mindless work. And then I remember the ever present warning in my mind "Do not return to the former things" I think I'm in store for what that really means. John 21 Has been everywhere for me the past year. Particularly the last 3 months when I heard 3 different sermons on it in a span of 2 weeks.
For the disciples, they were made for more than just fishing even though that's where Jesus found them after His resurrection after He spent 3 years teaching them another way.
I don't want to be found fishing when I've been called to something else….but I'll be honest and say "fishing" sounds pretty good right now.
Jesus has asked: "DO YOU LOVE ME?" do you love me how I love you? My agape unconditional love, do you love me like that?
I think in the past I've been like Peter. Claiming bold truths and not being able to live up to them.
But In John 21 he finally got it.
he said "Jesus you know that I love you." But he answered with the greek word Philia (brotherly love, or love that exists between close friends). I don't love you like I should, I don't return the love that you show me.
But Jesus is like are you sure: "Peter, Do you (agape)love me?" Peter is like "Jesus, I (Philia) love you."
And the third time Jesus asks, he comes down to his level: "Peter, Do you (Philia) love me?"
Peter answers: "Lord, you know all things. You know that I love(Philia) you."
I am like Peter.
Jesus, I love you not as I should, not as you love me, but I do love you. But I am learning and I am searching.
And I think Jesus is strong enough to accept that answer.
Because I love that His reply is the same for all three times He asks:
"THEN CARE FOR MY SHEEP"
"FOLLOW ME"
Whatever is next I know God has spent precious time preparing me. Cultivating trust. Proving He really does keep His promises and able to provide peace in storms.
It might not look the same as what I think or what others are doing. But I am praying for rightly ordered love. Where my love for Jesus will over flow into my love for my neighbor, for His sheep, for my family and my enemy.
Keep me in your prayers as I transition into whatever is next. And hey, I'm in America LET'S MEET UP
