I began my Race with a nice long cut, ideal for ponytails, braids, or just wearing it down. I never thought too much about it or what a treat it was to have long hair. As my Race progressed I found my hair getting shorter. First it was a shoulder-length cut with a dagger that was handcrafted for me in the Philippines. Next it was pixy-cut in Vietnam. Then it was already short, so why not shave the side of my head in Malawi. Oh my gosh, no, that was bad. Let’s just shave it all completely; it’ll look super badass. Nope. Worst decision. I look like a boy. And such was the gradual loss of the lovely flowing locks that began my trip around the world.
I found myself in Zambia staring at the mirror, devastated and grieved at the loss of my hair. Because now there was nothing I could do. It could not possibly get any shorter. I ranted to my team while running my hands over my buzz cut in despair. But my sweet teammates met me in my mourning process and affirmed me over and over that no, I did not look like a boy, that I did in fact look like Natalie Portman, and that I had a lot of other things going for me.
That last one got me thinking. What are the things that I have going for me that could make up for my lack of hair? Well at least I have a good body. Well at least I have a pretty face. Well at least I have…
And then it clicked. Why wasn’t I saying well at least I have Christ?
Because that’s what really matters. Jesus is the best possible thing I could ever have and He is mine. What are physical appearances next to the security I have in Him? There is no need to find my worth in my hair or my body and no need to be devalued by lack of hair or by weight gain. But we do, don’t we? Our culture hasn’t helped us a bit. I am all too familiar with the thoughts that flood the mind when I see magazines full of “beautiful women” telling me what it means to be sexy and desirable. We spend so much time and money striving after certain features and if we have them we guard them with everything we have.
I remember a moment when I was young and comparing myself to a beautiful, talented girl in my church. As I would list off all the ways that she was better than me, I remember getting the response from a friend, “well at least you’re skinnier than her.” My body. That was the only thing I had on her. The only thing that gave me a sense of worth and specialness. So protect it, I did. I would freak out if I ever thought I was gaining weight and I went to crazy lengths to make sure that my perfect figure was maintained.
Because that’s where I was placing my value.
But God calls us to put our value in Him. One word of affirmation from Him is worth more than a hundred likes on Facebook, more than a thousand compliments, and more than a million admiring eyes. Our physical bodies are temporary but our souls are immortal. I don’t want to be building up treasures on earth when treasures in heaven are the ones that will be counted when the rest are turned to dust. Why am I moved almost to tears at a rash hair cut decision, but not equally cut up when I find the state of my heart to be lacking? I want my value to be found in the love that Christ has for me and how my character, my integrity, and my compassion are being shaped because of it. I’ll never say that I won’t be happy for my hair to grow out again, but until it does, I refuse to let my hair or my body or anything else define me that is not the love of God. I am enough because He said so and that is what matters.
1 Peter 3:3-4
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
