I call it the plague of perfection. A tad dramatic maybe, but then I am that. And I’m infected with the need to be the best. Whatever I produce must be of excellence, whatever I think must be the most wise, and whatever I do it must be done perfectly. Failure is inexcusable.
Why is this?
Well, after much processing, I concluded it’s because there’s something in me that believes that if I don’t do everything perfectly, or at least maintain the illusion so everyone else thinks so, no one will like me. And that frightens me.
But a most beautiful truth has been whispered to my heart before and it found its way back to me as I wrestled with my fear.
Jesus loves me.
And He loves me for me, not my accomplishments. I am not defined by my performance.
At the core of who I am, I am not a musician or a writer, a teacher or a student, a leader or a follower, a sister or daughter, a good person or a bad one. I am not my occupation, I am not my titles, I am not my doubts, and I am not other peoples opinions. At the depths of me, I am simply a daughter of Christ. And it is in that identity that I take refuge.
Whatever I do and whatever I create, I want to do entirely out of the grace given me by Him. I can’t continue to scorn it just because it isn’t at my standards. Ultimately, they are at His standards. There is nothing that I can invent that God is displeased with. He loves when I make music for Him and He loves when I write, despite what it sounds like. He is not a father that turns away breakfast in bed, burnt toast and all.
I can’t wallow in self-criticism, burdened by the plague of perfection with the Race ahead of me. Every step I take would never be one of peace. I choose to walk in the comfort of my Savior”s acceptance, giving him my best efforts and knowing that he could never be disappointed or like me less based on what I offer Him.
Whether or not I am the best musician in the world, I am proud to offer what gifts I have to my Father. With that in mind I would like to share it with you as well. This is a song I wrote on the way home from Training Camp that I mentioned in my previous blog Hope for A Home. I was touched by the story of an orphan named Zi and this song is to raise awareness for orphans around the world.
http://noisetrade.com/megangallear/hope-for-a-home
Thanks for listening.
