Wow, I don’t even know where to begin. If I could sum up the last several days I would say FREEDOM. I would say FREEDOM in such a way that no explanation is even needed. The word alone is powerful enough. Do you see it that way when you read it? What is freedom? Do you REALLY walk in it and live in it or do you just think you do? Have you heard about living in the freedom of Christ so much that you’ve grown numb to the reality of it, blind to the immense power of it?
First, I want to apologize. I apologize to you all for not blogging enough lately and that it’s been a little while since I’ve updated you guys and posted a new blog. My team and I left our ministry at Mozambique February 3rd, had our first Squad Debrief February 5th-8th, and we arrived at our new ministry site February 10th- with travel days all in between. Since at our new ministry we have not had any access to internet at all. But the timing of Jesus is so perfect. I knew I needed to blog, but for the sake of blogging. Now that we have finally gotten a little bitty bit of access to wifi- He has put exactly what I need to share with you all on my heart. He’s been brewing it up in my heart just like a nice, lovely, wonderful, delightful cup of coffee (this is important later on; keep reading :)) and here it is! Also as an update…I am currently 99.09% funded!! I am so humbled, so excited, grateful beyond words, and just ecstatic! 🙂 Thank you thank you thank you to all who have made this possible!! You are such a HUGE part of this journey and Jesus is blessing your giving beyond words for His kingdom!
As for another update- debrief was absolutely incredible. It was one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. I was refreshed, rejuvenated, encouraged, empowered, upbuilt, loved, taught, challenged, and prepared. It was an amazing few days and Jesus did so much in my heart. It was a great time of reflection and also refreshment for what is to come.
Then we headed to our ministry site. I was READY. I was PUMPED. I had just had days to relax, refuel, spend so much time alone with my Jesus and corporately with my awesome squad and leaders. I was renewed, prepared, READY for this month. We got here and the struggle began.
This month our ministry site is very interesting. It is a place like I have never experienced before. I would ironically describe it as very…FREE. Let me give you some examples… A lot of women don’t wear bras- there’s a start for ya. The toilets that we are using are compost toilets- so they are just holes in wood with toilets seats on them. You use them and then dump ash and wood shavings over it to let it compost. The bathroom and the showers are very open, have a big ol window with a nice view of the lake. I am living in my tent this rainy season. People, including myself- wash clothes and even take a bath (bathing suit included) in the lake. Weed is prevalent. People are very…FREE and easy going. “No worries,” “Why not,” and “No problem” are all common phrases. Everyone is friendly; they just walk up to you and talk to you. People want to say hello to you and genuinely ask you how you are because they want to know. There’s just a snapshot for you…
Ministry has also been very…FREE. This month our focus is Disabled Ministry, Prison Ministry, Youth Club, and Preschool Ministry. We’ve been given a lot of freedom within these. They fall on different days and so we can decide personally which ones we want to serve the most time in. We have had free reign on what activities we want to do, lessons we want to share, or all of the above. We have instruction, but not complete, full, or orderly; not {structured} or very {stable} instruction. There’s much FREEDOM given to us within it all.
The first few days we were here, I struggled a lot. I didn’t know what was going on in my heart. I felt useless, like I was being tossed about trying to find purpose and drive. I felt a lack in motivation because I couldn’t see a specific “win” in sight. One morning I was in the shower (where all the best thoughts are had) and Jesus spoke. I was heart searching why in the world I felt so down and confused. I was so ready for ministry, but felt like I was doing none. I didn’t know what I was doing here in this specific place. I asked Abba what it was in me that was causing this. He gently whispered, “Control.” I began meditating on that word and its role and play in my life and He confirmed it…it was a control issue. I finished getting ready and spent some time alone with Him on the rocks by the lake. I was praying through this struggle that I have with having a grip on control. I closed my eyes and He gave me a picture. I saw myself [stepping out of the boat.] I saw Him. I began walking to Him. I stopped and asked Him, “How long is it going to take me to get to You? Which way do I go? Do I step right or left first? Should I go this way or that way?” He looked at me and said, “Just come.”
I would say that I am definitely a woman of flexibility. I can definitely be flexible. But He’s shown me that the flexibility falls within structure and stability to where I feel that I have a little hold of control. I don’t have to have complete control all the time, but when I am set in a space of structure and stability I have a little, just enough sense of it. I want to know specifics, directions, timing, specific purposes and “wins” that I am working towards, all of the above and He says- JUST COME. He also spoke Galatians 5:1 over my heart that morning- “For FREEDOM Christ has set us FREE; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”
One day this week we had Disabled Ministry. The next day we had Prison Ministry. Double. Whammy. I had never worked with either of these types of ministries before. Let me just tell you…they are both HARD.
I haven’t had internet, so I asked my teammates to define DEPRAVITY. Answers were- “the absence of something” & “lacking.” Think of this strong word. Let it sink in. Now think of the word CAPTIVITY. Captivity- being held captive to something or someone- not living in freedom, the opposite of freedom- controlled somehow. Jesus was gently yelling these two words out to me at every second of both ministries. DEPRAVITY. CAPTIVITY. Why these words?
“For FREEDOM Christ has set us FREE; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” I have had this verse memorized for years. I believe it. I think that I live by it and in it. But do I? Do I really FULLY EMBRACE this freedom I have been given? Jesus says, “LOOK MEGAN. Look at these people. They are captives! The Disabled are captive. They are depraved and they are captive to a body that doesn’t work right. Look at these prisoners. They are normal people with normal lives EXCEPT they are CAPTIVE. They are DEPRAVED of the freedoms of life outside the walls they live in.” LOOK HOW STINKIN FREE YOU ARE, MEGAN! Eyes have been opened these few days, friends.
Another thing Jesus pointed out was this… “This was YOU.” I was completely and absolutely DEPRAVED. I was completely and absolutely CAPTIVE. I gave my life to Jesus at a young age, but I was still so very depraved, so very captive BUT He SAVED me. He saved me in my depravity and captivity then and FROM even more a life of depravity and of captivity I would have lived without Him. FOR FREEDOM He has SET ME FREE. Do I really grasp that? Do you? I could do nothing on my own, for myself at all. I had nothing. I was lifeless. I was hopeless. I was held in by the walls of sin. BUT JESUS rescued me! He SET ME FREE from captivity into FREEDOM! I am no longer depraved. In fact, I am the complete opposite of it- allowing Him to live through me- producing FULL, ABLE, FREE, ABUNDANT LIFE. Oh what GRACE!!
There are currently 203 men in the Nkata Bay prison. There are 20-30 men that come to hear the Word each week. Most of these 20-30 have given their life to Jesus and are striving to follow Him. Hmmm. Do you see it? They have made Jesus their Lord- they’ve let go of depravity and captivity- they’ve said YES to Jesus and they are spiritually no longer captive. But yet they are still in captivity physically. They still live in this prison, in these walls because they have placed themselves there (not by choice now, but see it with me for a moment). I ask- do we still live this way? We as followers of Jesus are completely FREE. We have been set free from our bondage of sin and slavery and are completely free, completely not depraved of anything, but have access to the fullness of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. But do we still live in these walls that we put ourselves in? “Do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”
I have to say that I am seeing this in my life. Instead of FREELY running to my Jesus on the water, I wanted to know the details and information- I wanted to know so I could have control of my actions and responses and have a PLAN in play. I want to be held in my structure and stability…why? Even down to the coffee, friends. It’s silly, but see it! I love love love my coffee. Some would say even an addict. I wouldn’t disagree. It makes me happy, helps me focus, gives me alertness, makes me ready for the day, and I just love the taste of it. When I don’t have it, I get grumpy, droggy, and not focused. What a [picture] of captivity. Am I living fully FREE? Am I embracing it FULLY? (This week He’s laid it on my heart to give up coffee for the week. We are currently on day 2 and lots of prayers have been sent up for strength ha! But more and more freedom is being FOUND.)
My Abba has placed these very obvious pictures of Prison Ministry and Disabled Ministry before my eyes. “Megan, look. This was you- depraved, hopeless, captive- BUT look at what I have done for you! For FREEDOM I have set you FREE! Therefore, LIVE and WALK in it! Don’t live as a captive such as is depraved- captive to control, captive to stability, captive to a completely structured life, captive to the acceptance of others, captive to having it all together, captive to having a perfect little plan for your life, captive to tasks and getting it all done, captive from being good enough, captive from being enough period, captive from having to be good at everything, captive to trying to be anyone but yourself, captive from always having to be strong, and even captive in the little things such as coffee. SEE THE LIGHT. SEE THE FREEDOM! Fully see what I have done- the RESCUE I’ve done in you, this abundant LIFE I have given you! LIVE in it and FROM it & use it alllll for my glory!”
Depraved people lack. They are absent of something very important. Captive people can’t fully live because something is holding them down, holding them back from fully embracing life and fully living in the abundance they’ve been given. This is NOT who I AM.
“For FREEDOM Christ has set us FREE; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1
Stop and think. Pray to Abba. Listen to Him. Wait for Him. Seek Him. Are you really WALKING and LIVING in complete FREEDOM? What are the things in your life today that make you feel or live like you are depraved? What are the things in your life that hold you captive? You’ve been set free, but are there things that cause you to still live within the walls?
BREAK FREE, my friends. It’s the reason He’s set you free. & it’s WORTH IT.
In so much love towards you,
Megan
“With open hands, Lord I bring everything and nothing less, my best, my all. You deserve my every breath, my life, my song. I surrender. I surrender all. I surrender. I surrender all. Lord take control. I trust You. I’m letting go, to give You everything and nothing less, my best, my all. You deserve my every breath, my life, my song. I surrender. I surrender all. I surrender. I surrender all.”
{Chris McClarney}
[the most freedom you will ever receive is in surrender.] love y’all!
