Over the last few days I have been reading a book about
kingdom journeys and it talks a lot about abandonment. Part of the reason I signed up for this trip
in the beginning was I wanted to get away from distractions so that I could
begin to focus more on God and who he really is, “abandon” the things that I
held on to and the comforts I would cling to when times got hard. Hopefully this would result in a deeper more
intimate relationship.
Well then I go to training camp and one of my squad mates
says that God wants me to leave some baggage behind. “ok” I though “I can do that, and I know
there is some stuff that I need to let go of.
We can do this.” Little did I
know how hard this was going to be. I like to hold on the things even when I
don’t realize it, kind of like that shirt from three years ago that you love
but no longer fits and you just hate to see it go. Yeah events and things become apart of me and
my life and I struggle with letting them go.
In the book there is
a part that says “Abandonment is the process of taking our hands off of what we
have been holding onto. It involves
turning away from lesser things and renouncing our “rights” to them. It is an emptying that clears away emotional
space for new attachments.” As I read
this I could see someone just setting down the luggage they had been holding
for ages and just walking away leaving it behind. Before that it hadn’t really clicked for me
just what abandonment really meant. As I
read more in this book and more about the process of abandonment I am beginning
to realize that I will be letting go and giving up more than I thought. In doing so I know I will receive more than I
could ever imagine and the God will use that to change me more and mold me into
the woman he created me to be.
So as I prepare to leave on this 11 month journey I will be
trading in the baggage I have been carrying around for so long. Inside these bags are feelings of insecurity
over my looks, fears of not being accepted, feelings of unworthiness because of
my past, doubts that God could really love me after all I have done the last
few years, and other lies that satan has told me and that have been rooted in
my mind for so long. As I leave that
behind I pick up my backpack that will hold all my belongings and essentials
for the next year and head out with a group that I have come to love as family
so that we can turn the world upside down with the love of Jesus.
