Many of you have asked the big question about this trip, “WHY??” Why would I want to go on a mission trip that’s 9 months long and take a year off college? Well I guess I’ll try to answer that question to the best of my ability without babbling on and on… but here I am, babbling on and on about this already… so like I said in my last post, bare with me here… I’m still new at this:
It all started mid semester this year when I was just really unhappy with what I was doing with my life. I felt stuck in a rut (a deep ditch if you may) and could see myself looking out, but not doing anything to get myself out of it. I was just going through day to day motions that were really just numb habits; wake up, go to class, come home, do some homework, eat lunch, go back to class, come back home, do more homework, cook dinner, finish homework, go to bed. Repeat next day. Another day would pass and I felt like I hadn’t made my day matter… just another one of those days I’d forget in a couple years; nothing special. So after this numbness really began to dawn on me, I began to brake down, realizing that we are never promised tomorrow, so we must live everyday glorifying God and doing what He meant us to do. Now after this realization, I had a feeling in my gut that, if I truly believed this, I should mission in some way… but if we’re being honest, I really didn’t want to do that.
So when I prayed about this, it went a little something like this: “Dear God, don’t send me to a third world country. Thanks, Amen.” Well the more I prayed this, the more the Lord spoke to me in visions, dreams, scripture, and people around me, all centering around the same concepts: I was always helping people in some way or another or watching people take “leaps of faith” or pretty much any other cliché metaphor for discipling or missioning, and I would almost always get a verse to go along with it too, having to do with God’s love for the nations…Great. Once I realized God was definitely outside my door persuading me to mission, my next prayer went a little something like this: “Dear God, No.” But of course, my senseless stubbornness was not enough to stop God from continuing to knock on my door. So I had 2 options here: Either continue ignoring God (not the best idea ever), or give in and listen to what He wanted. So there I went, answering the door that God had been standing outside of for quite some time.
Also at this time I was reading Radical by David Platt. And a concept he brings up a lot is getting out of our little “American, middle-class, comfort zone” and start trusting God in everything we do, not just the tricky parts. So as you can imagine I was a little convicted about this knowing that here I am, thinking ‘life is hard’, when I’m living in a house with a couple roommates, getting a fully paid for college education, and having the full freedom to believe in God without the fear of persecution. Who am I to think I could stay perched in this lifestyle with these comforts surrounding me, while still saying ‘I have a heart for the nations’??
Jeremiah 1:5 continued eating at me too saying, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” BOOM. Slapped in the face by Jesus.
Well pretty much after all these all these realizations and a change of heart, one thing lead to another and a friend of mine, who had recently gotten back from The World Race, told me about Gap Year! Best, most up-lifting conversation I’ve ever had. After that conversation, I went straight home and looked up the website and everything it said about Gap Year; I was sold. I HAD to go serve the nations, no matter how hard it would be. I just had to.
I was about to sign up, when I suddenly thought of my mother. Crap, she wasn’t going to like this. So I told myself I’d take the night to think and pray on this to make sure it was right, then I’d make a decision. Well the morning came, and I suddenly found myself on the site about to click apply and wasn’t entirely sure how I even got there. And in the exact moment I was about to doubt myself and retreat back to my comforts, I heard the Lord say, “GO. Apply.” So there, I did it, I applied.
Next step? Let’s pray for my mother… So I prayed for the Lord to change and sooth her heart about this, and then later that night I called to tell her the news. Well God answered my prayers because she was thrilled. Worried, but still thrilled. And that did it for me, I was interviewed and accepted that next week and before I knew it, I was fully committed!
Whew. For those brave souls out there who stuck with me through all those jumbled thoughts, I applaud you. Really, it’s impressive.
As a reward for making it through that, here’s a precious picture for you to enjoy:
If you have any questions about this, feel free to call me, message me, shoot me a text, comment, or maybe even through morse code or snail mail… whatever your preferred method of communication is, I promise I’ll answer you!
Thanks again! Love you all!
