With my 3 extra days in Guatemala I was able to
spend time with Kindergartners at a missionary school and children at an
orphanage. While I was there I did “business as usual.” Loved, played,
laughed, prayed, danced, and learned. What I didn’t realize was that I
had learned how to “turn off.” In going to 16 orphanage in a 1.5 years,
your heart feels as if it reaches capacity. It aches with each new child
you fall in love with that you in fact have to leave. In order to cope I
had become good at “turning off” my emotions and feelers so that I
could be present with the children and give them nothing but 100% love.
Well
this morning I think I “turned on” again. Finally I felt the emotions
of being at another orphanage with abandoned children and it struck deep. But I knew I couldn’t
let it out, so I waited until I could sit and process. (Why I chose Barnes and
Noble I don’t know, but I went there to process with the Lord.) As I sat still I
realized I felt this hurt and pain for the children in every fiber of my being.
I was enraged, angry, frustrated, in pain, hurt, and devastated that so children
have had to experience such pain and devastation.
Beautiful,
innocent
children
have
been thrown out and deemed unworthy…
tossed aside and labeled unlovable…
abandoned and
left alone.
Why? Why do these children deserve such treatment?
And why does the exist in every area of life?
I know this doesn’t just
exist for children at an orphanage. I realize that many Christians,
many people in this world – teenagers and adults – have experienced the
same hurt and pain. There are
men and women who have been told they are stupid and unlovable for most
of
their life. There are many who have been told by their culture, family
systems, and environment that they are unworthy, that they don’t measure
up.
And many have been abandoned by those they counted on the most. And now they sit….alone.
And “they” could be you….
As I sit in Barnes and Noble I am flooded….feeling every bit of your
pain and emotion. I sit with tears running down my face covering the table and
my journal, crying out for your FREEDOM and LOVE. Everything within me just
wants to SCREAM right now for your justice and justice for the children….literally scream! To SHOUT OUT and
WAKE UP all those around me. To tell the orphan’s story, to hear your story, and to sit
with all of you at Christ’s feet.
My heart cries out and just wants to remind you…Please know that you are not forgotten. That you are not
unseen. And that you are not unheard!
I cry out for you and if this is just a
fragment of God’s love for you He has given to a stranger, imagine how
much MORE it is for you the one He loves! I pray that you someday feel
the entire measure
of His love! I pray it will overwhelm and overtake you!
You are no longer an orphan, you were chosen by the Lord,
you are His most treasured possession.
Why did all those things happen to you? Why the hurt, the abandonment, the neglect, the
words, the stabs, the beatings?
That I can’t answer, but I am sorry. I am sorry
for your pain, your abuse, and your neglect. No one deserves that, it was not
meant for you.
……….
What I can promise is that if you open yourself up to the
Lord, that healing can come. It may not be immediate but I know God to be a God
of restoration, love, and healing. I know and can promise he will NEVER leave
you. He will NEVER toss you aside. Instead,
He will love you recklessly, protect you fearlessly, and will always be there for you by your side.
Too good to be true?
It may sound like it, but the God I know is not a God of
empty promises. He will walk through this life with you and will never let you
down.
I know I will one day in fact let you down, my love will never be enough
to fill the places that are like empty caverns within you…no….only the Lord can fill those.
So….
Will you open yourself up to trust again?
Will you give Him a chance?
You did not deserve any of what happened to you. His heart
breaks in fact for the pain you have lived with, the tears you have cried, the
beatings (verbally, physically, or sexually) you have received. But every tear
He has held on to. Every heart break He was there….
“Take my side, God-I’m getting kicked around, stomped
on every day. Not a day goes by but somebody beats me up; They make it
their duty to beat me up. When I get really afraid I come to you in
trust. I’m proud to praise God; fearless now, I trust in God.
What can mere mortals do?
They don’t let up- they smear my reputation and
huddle to plot my collapse. They gang up, sneak together through the alleys to
take me by surprise, wait their chance to get me.
Pay them back in evil! Get angry, God! Down with these
people! You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless
nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.
If my enemies run away, turn tail when I yell at them, then I’ll
know that God is on my side.
I’m proud to praise God, proud to praise God. Fearless now, I trust in God; what can mere
mortals do to me?
God, you did everything you promised, and I’m thanking you with all my heart.
You pulled me from the brink of death, my feet from the cliff-edge of
doom. Now I stroll at leisure with God in the sunlit fields of
life.” Psalm 56 (Message
version)
It’s time to walk in the sunlit field.
There are people fighting for you.
HE is fighting for you.
It’s time….
