I’m in a
place of being unsettled. My life is being shaken up. I don’t know what normal
is anymore, I don’t know what comfort is. Everything is being changed. I’m being
stripped of all my comfort and security and find myself standing naked and
vulnerable. I am losing control and I can make a choice – I can try to grasp for control and try to
feel safe and secure OR I can run with all my might toward my Heavenly Father
and fall into His arms.
Well….I’ve been
shuffling between these two options first naturally relying on my strength and my
ability, hesitant to let God fully in. While fighting to let down my guard, throw my hands
up and run to God giving my WHOLE self to Him. This is when God invades my life with a sense
of peace and security. I’ll be honest, it’s a daily shuffle and one that seems to have been intensified as the trials and struggles have intensified. I was struggling with this the other
night and my friend lovingly looked at me and asked, “Did
you expect this when you signed up for the World Race?”
stopped and the laughter began. This is what I prayed for when I signed up for
the World Race. This is what I’ve been praying for. To be stripped of all my
comfort and to learn what it means and looks like to be dependent on God. And the prayer is being answered and I’m learning what this looks like during this time of
preparation…and it’s not easy. But I have a loving and gracious God who is with me
every step of the way and wooing me and pouring out his love. He goes before me, preparing the way, orders each step, and says to be “strong and courageous.” I’m learning how
to ask for help from not only God but from others. For those who know me, this isn’t easy. I am learning how
to ask for support, in prayer, in finances to fund this trip, in encouragement, in hospitality, and more. I’m used to being
the supporter and being Ms. Independent – “I will solve the problem, take care
of everyone else, and bake cookies while doing it J.” But I am being humbled and
learning to allow others to care for me. This isn’t easy, but I’m so very grateful for
those in my life who do it with such grace and force at times. Thank you! Thank
you for pushing me toward my Creator and for taking me into your home to live,
for dinner, for your encouragement, and for your support!
So all in all…..Life isn’t
safe, love is not safe, people sometimes aren’t safe, and I realized I was thinking God was not safe. But HE is and all of those things are worth the risk.
We can’t plan out our lives and our hurts. God wants to crush all our walls its helping me see that it’s time to be real and let people in. Let God in….
Nicole’s song, SAFE (see lyrics & video below), is perfect for my shuffle above.
SAFE and I’m finally running with my WHOLE self and giving Him everything!
You keep tryin to get inside my head,
while i keep trying to lose the words you
said
can’t you see i’m hangin by a thread,
to my life what i know, yeah i’m losing
control and
oh no, my walls are gonna break
so close, its more than i can take
i’m so tired of turning and running away
when love ju–st isn’t safe
(your not safe, mmm-mm)
i’m strong enough, I’ve always told myself
i never want to need somebody else
but I’ve already fallen from that hill,
so i’m droppin that guard here’s your chance
at my heart and
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
so close, its more than i can take
i’m so tired of turning and running away
when love ju-st isn’t
everything you want, but its everything you
need
its not always happy endings but its hap-py
in between
its taken so long, so long to finally see
that your love is worth the risk
Oh no, my walls are gonna breeeaakk
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
so close, its more than i can take
so tired of turning and running away
when love ju-st isn’t safe
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
Oh no, my walls are gonna break
so close, its more than i can take
so tired of turning and running away
when love just isn’t safe
your not safe
and that’s okay
