The Shepherd set me down gently in Mozambique to test my
strength but little did I know as he picked me back up that my trust was going
to be tested.
Two girls on my team got malaria and within 12 hours we were
packed and headed to Johannesburg, South Africa to get them good medical
attention and a safe place to rest and recover. On our way we looked forward to
4 days of rest and recovery before we head down to Cape Town for our next month
of ministry in a coffee shop. And then, a shift….
The Lord presented us with a need in Johannesburg. An
orphanage desperately needed volunteers for the month of January and we were
faced with a choice. Do we move in step with the Lord and serve people that
were in need or do we put our desires and plans before his and go to Cape Town?
Our team responded….
Sometimes the Lord can shift where he is leading us due to
the needs in the Kingdom, so….yes Lord, we will stay here in Johannesburg.
Was my heart happy? No.
I was frustrated. I wanted to experience something new. I
had seen orphanages, that’s what he was asking of my life, so why another?
When the sheep is ready to be set down the Shepherd sets
them down gently. But the sheep now has a choice just like the cripple had a
choice when Jesus healed him and said pick up your mat and follow me. The sheep
has to decide, will they walk? will they run,? will they trust that they are
healed? As the Lord set down the sheep he speaks love and encouragement into
them and then watches them make their decision. Some stand and just wait to be
picked up, but others stumble in their first few steps. He watches those
stumbling to adjust to their newly healed legs. He sees them soak in all that
is around. They feel the grass with their hoves, smell it, and begin to
investigate their new valley. The Shepherd knows the valley He has carried them
to for such a time as this, but it’s new, its unknown. The sheep is new, they
have changed. A time of adjustment begins. But now they react differently. Now
they know their shepherd. They know his care, they have experience his love,
and felt his heartbeat. They want to stay close, they never leave his side
again….they trust and love their shepherd.
My first few steps I stumbled.
My heart broke, I began to
walk in my old stride not believing God was good and cared for me, but then I remembered his touch, his embrace, and felt his heartbeat. I had a choice. Do I
find my stride with my healed legs or do I stand still?
I stood for a few days. I stood and wept. I stood with my
arms crossed, angry, not trusting God. But then I broke. The song, “Lord you
are my everything� came on during our song time with the toddlers. As the words
strolled across the television screen the wall in my heart crumbled. I felt the
ache I was holding on to, the distrust and the selfishness. But in that moment
I surrendered. I let it all go and stood up and praised my King! I praised my
Shepherd. I thanked him for the miles (or months and years) he carried me, for
his love, his tender touch, and for the love that he was growing in my heart.
And as I praised him my legs began to move.
I found my stride.
I found my Father’s Love and was embracing it.
He changed my world in South Africa. He showed me all the aspects
of an orphanage and all the details. He allowed me to work with all the
children and just love them.
Eleven hours a day I was a mother. Eleven hours a day my
heart opened and a love and heart for the lost and abandoned bloomed within me.
But how does my passion for my generation fit into an
orphanage? How does everything fit together?
Trust me Megan, I will
show you.
Trust, again?
“I am the good
Shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for this sheep….My sheep listen
to my voice; I know them and they follow me….no one can snatch them out of my
hand.� John 10:11, 27-28
Listen to my voice.
You are in the palm of my hand (Isaiah 51:16). All you need to know is that you
are in my hand.
(Deep breath)
Yes. I trust you.
Okay, look up the word
chosen.
And so I did.
I soaked in God’s word this month and in the knowledge that
I am chosen. That the children at these orphanages are chosen. They may feel or
appear to be abaonded, but they were known before they were in their mothers
womb. They were chosen by their heavenly Father. And they are his son, his
daughter. They may appear to be an orphan on this earth, but their true
identity is a son or daughter of God. They are not orphans. I am not an orphan.
I was chosen by my Father in heaven.
“You did not choose
me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit —
fruit that will last.� John 15:16
My Father chose me.
He created me.
He knit me together.
He commands his angels concerning me.
He protects me.
He loves me.
“We live by faith and
not by sight.� 2 Corinthians 5:7
It’s by faith and trust that I want to live.
So I trust you Lord. I trust you with my heart. Break it for
what breaks yours. Take me deeper. Take me to the orphanage that you have
designed. I am all yours….
The new valley tasted great.
It was vibrant, beautiful, and full of Go’s love and grace.
But is this it?
Is this all you want me to see?
Is my
journey over?
Is this my valley?
(See part 5 for more..)
