I’m sure almost all of you have experienced the season of life I am about the describe. The waiting season. The season that is purposed for preparation, but just feels like “hurry up and wait”.
The World Race is a big deal. It’s 11 months. It’s scary, exciting, invigorating, doubt-inducing, terrifying, and trust-neccesitating. (I think I just made up a few words, but you get the point).
So this “preparation” season has been pretty messy for me. How do you even prepare for almost a year of constantly changing ministry? I don’t know. I pretty much haven’t been. I’ve been pushing it out of my thoughts a lot of the time, and merely dreaming the rest.
Of course, not having my heart focused and on fire has led to a multitude of messiness. Fear, doubting, sin, and most of all, settling for less than what God has for me in this season. Slowly but surely, I have nestled myself into a routine of lukewarm, unexcited activities that really have nothing to do with the gospel and a whole lot more to do with my own comfort. Which further induces fear, anxiety, inadequacy. You get the point.
Luckily, I got to spend a few days this week with one of my closest (and most godly) friends from college. As I’m explaining to her my life and my struggles, she asked me,
“What do you think the root of your sin and indifference is?”
I thought about it for a minute, and replied, “Boredom.”
I truly felt as though God didn’t have anything “big” or “exciting” for me in this season. I didn’t feel any higher purpose, so I didn’t pursue one. She looked right at me and immediately replied,
“Do you ever stop and think that maybe the Holy Spirit is bored with you?”
WHAT. My first reaction was that that comment was blasphemy, because the Holy Spirit is nice and patient and doesn’t get bored with people. But then I really thought about it (And she explained it some more).
The Holy spirit has placed in me a restless, fiery spirit that DOES NOT settle. I have FULL ACCESS to everything that is Jesus Christ: his boldness, his faith, his righteousness, his boldness, and his adventures. And YET I am choosing to serve this world, and to commit myself to its routine. To be undisciplined, unexcited, and unfaithful.
I have been jumping in puddles where God is longing to drench me in oceans. I am choosing such small bits of joy for myself, joys that belong to our society- attention, idleness, image- when Jesus has set this season for me to be challenged and zealous.
So yes, I do believe the Holy Spirit is bored with me. Our God is loving, but he is also mighty and righteous and is holding so much more for me than I have explored.
So my challenge this week is to drop any attachments, any boredoms, and worldly expectations that I have been holding onto. To stop being bored because I have full access to every characteristic of Christ through inheritance, and it’s time to take ownership of how big His intentions are for me. To embrace the danger, adventure, and freedom that is mine if only I would receive it.
I want to wrap this up with my favorite quote from C.S Lewis’ “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe”:
“Who said anything about safe? Of course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
I’m done choosing safety over adventure. I’m done letting the Holy Spirit get bored. I’m ready for this season of preparation. I trust my God.
