Depression. It’s a scary word. It’s an even scarier feeling. I have dealt with depression for a long time and every time I think I’m going to be better now, because… I fixed myself… I went to therapy… I’m on the world race. I’ve realized that this might be a struggle for the rest of my life, but it doesn’t have to be this big dreaded thing.
During my time in Costa Rica, things felt off, but I wasn’t sure what was wrong. As the month continued, this feeling continued. I didn’t know how to put it into words and describe it, but towards the end of the month I realized it was depression again.
I didn’t expect this to be a struggle on the world race and I didn’t expect to not be able to recognize it. Over the years of struggling with depression, it always looked pretty similar. This time something was different and made a huge difference.
This time I let God on my side. I’ve believed in God for a very long time, but only recently have I started to rely on him. This time I didn’t have to fight this battle by myself.
Depression always felt like a giant hole that I would fall down and then seriously struggle to climb back out. I did fall, but God didn’t let me go down that hole and he picked me right back up. When he’s got me, depression doesn’t have to determine months of my life every year.
Even when struggling with depression in Costa Rica, I have been happier than I have been in a long time. It’s not a joy that comes from me or anything I can do. My joy comes from the Lord.
With Love,
Meg
The pictures are from here in Cambodia. We dug a hole to build a toilet for the church in a small village we are working with. More blogs about what we are up to this month are coming soon!
