Over the years in my walk with the Lord, God has broken my heart for what breaks His multiple times. In the past, it's been over various issues – much of which has come from mission opportunities I've been given ((being heartbroken for orphans, widows, the lost, those who've been abandoned, rejected, etc.)) – but for the last week or two, He's been breaking my heart in ways I've never experienced so heavily before…
over my own sin.
Sure, I've felt guilty for my past sin before. The Holy Spirit has convicted me and led me to repentance more times than I could count. I've even felt the Lord's forgiveness and accepted it on many different occasions. But being SORRY for it, to the point of sobbing; spending hours of alone time wailing, actually in tears, with the Lord; and feeling total remorse for my mistakes? I've never felt it to this extent. never like this.
You see, being heartbroken over your sin for yourself is one thing. I've done that before. I've felt angry toward myself for giving in to worldly things and desires of the flesh. I've been upset with those who stood back and allowed me to do it – some of whom actually cheered me on through it, or literally forced me into it at times. I've been genuinely remorseful toward the Lord, repented, and received His forgiveness.
But an entirely different kind of pain sets in when you realize that your past sin does NOT just affect you. When you're able to see the pain of your past sin in someone else's face, the weight and reality of it crashes down on you in a way that instantly makes it seemingly impossible to breathe.
You realize in the deepest areas of your soul just how horribly selfish you've been. And it hurts. It hurts really bad. Because you no longer just feel your own pain, you feel the pain you've inflicted on another person as well.
but.
wanna hear something amazing?
There are people in this world who actually WANT to bear with you, and who CHOOSE to be a part of your life and love you regardless of your past, present, and future sins.
not even kidding.
These people know what the definition of "unconditional love" is, and actually strive to live it out. They know that real love, true love, endures ALL things (1 Corinthians 13:7). Love doesn't pick and choose what it perseveres through. When it says "all things," that's actually what it means. These people know this and live by it.
If you're one of those individuals who's more on the "doubtful" side, who doesn't quite buy the idea that another human being is REALLY capable of this kind of love toward you, I honestly feel your pain. I used to be a firm believer in the notion that "no one can REALLY love me, faults and all, except Jesus and the majority of my earthly family." The End. Done.
what a ridiculous lie!
Unconditional love absolutely exists with the help of our wonderful Jesus. All things are possible through Him! Don't believe me? Please observe the relationship between Hosea and Gomer.
Are people perfect? Always loving, kind, and caring toward one another? Absolutely not. We are still human. We are flawed. We do not always love perfectly. We still stumble and fall short of God's glory. And we do fail one another. But even though we experience momentary faltering, it's what we choose to do after we've stumbled that matters.
Because of the Lord and His life in us, we can choose to love one another anyway – dirt and all.
We may hurt one another along the way, in fact it's almost a guarantee since we have not yet been made perfect, but the ones who persevere alongside you regardless – they love you. Never push them away.
To those of you who have truly loved me unconditionally, an infinite amount of "thank you"s would not be enough. You are the few and far between, some of God's greatest blessings in my life, and I am humbled to fight the good fight of faith beside each of you.
To those of you who still don't quite buy it, my sincere prayer is that the Lord would surround you with His loving arms and bless you with someone in your life who breaks through every ounce of disbelief in unconditional love you have.
Hosea wasn't just a Bible character you learn about in Sunday School when you're ten years old. He was a real man who God used to reflect His unconditional, fierce, relentless love for us all. And believe it or not, there are still real-life "Hosea"s in the world today being used by God for His purposes. Over the past 23 years, I've been blessed enough to know a few. Even though I've done nothing to deserve it, the Lord has blessed me with a best friend who is one of the most ridiculous, most Hosea-like men I've ever known. Knowing people who love unconditionally, living life in service alongside them, makes me want to return that love to them and extend it to others. I cannot wait to share that same love – God's love – with people all around the world for 11 months, and to everyone else I come in contact with for as long as the Lord puts breath in my lungs.
