Do you have a pair of clean socks I can borrow? Do you have any wet wipes? these are questions I have been asked in the past couple days. The answer is yes, but do I want to share? The real answer is no. I want to keep my things for myself. I don’t have more than a few wet wipes and I only have a couple pairs of clean socks. Short tangent…in a world of dirty water and bucket showers wet wipes are quite literally gold in World Race culture. Right now I am learning the discipline of giving when it hurts. It’s easy to give when you have warm feelings toward someone, or you have an abundance. When you are clean and meeting a friend for coffee, and you only see them once a week. It’s more difficult to give when you don’t feel like it or you don’t have much to give. When you are dirty and sweating and just need a break from being around the same people 24/7. I’d love tell you that each time I give to the people around me in need that I am the one that feels blessed.
The truth is I don’t…yet. I usually cringe each time someone asks me for something that I have little of for myself. One of my team mates asked me for socks this morning and I sighed (to myself) as though I was giving her my left kidney. I feel a transformation occurring in how I view love, but it’s not pretty. It’s really difficult. I’m learning that I don’t have to “feel like it” to give. I’m learning more about the love God has for us. I feel llike God is teaching me about real love.
I’ve also realized that these blogs are great and all, but I’ve made them a little too polished. I’ve tried to tie things up in a nice little bow for you. I’ve always been truthful, but I want to invite you into more of the raw, unpolished experience. The truth is that The World Race is really freaking hard. It’s full of challenges that I never expected and blessings that I never imagined possible. It’s a blend of normalcy and tragedy. Highs and lows.
One day I am eating ice cream and the next day I am weeping over a 3 year old, very tiny little girl, with a club foot and spina bifida. As I held baby “Miracle” as she is called, I cried at the weight of the tiny casts on her legs. Asking God, why? and how? I realized that I don’t have any neat answers for you and this experience is everything but polished. So allow me to invite you into this time with me. Please pray with me, laugh with me and cry with me. I thank you for being part of this with me.
A quick update on where I am this month. This month my team and I are in Lusaka, Zambia. We are staying in a home that has no running water and sporadic elecritcy. I’m learning how to get water from the well and even build a fire! My team and I are visiting homes and praying with local people. October is the hottest month of the year in Zambia. We arrived just in time. This feels like the hardest month so far. If you could specifically pray for my ankle I would appreciate it as I fell the other day. Please pray for healing.
