Hello friends!
I just spent the last 10 days at The World Race training camp in Gainsville, Georgia. I’ve been wracking my brain for days about writing this blog. I wanted to summarize all the emotions and changes I experienced during camp. I am having trouble stringing my words together, so bear with me. Most of you know that I was very anxious about going to training camp. I was quite certain that I would fall over with the weight of my giant back pack. I had only been camping twice prior to this experience so I was terribly worried about life in the great outdoors.
Training camp was better than I could have ever imagined. I literally cannot pair words with my experience. God’s grace was with me every step of the way. There is too much to summarize in one blog all that occurred at training camp, but I want to give you some highlights. First of all, I was able to meet my squad. I will be on “R” squad. R squad is group of about 50 people with whom I will be traveling on the world race. My squad is an incredible group of some of the most loving, Godly people I have ever encountered. In addition to my squad, I met my squad leaders/mentors and squad “parents.” All of these people will be there to support my squad through the next 11 months. The first part of training camp was focused on emotional healing. We learned about grief and loss, healing and forgiveness.
The worship at training camp was phenomenal. I felt God’s presence and it was as real as the dirty, sweaty shirt on my back. One day during worship I felt led to talk to our “squad dad” Dan. The worship music was playing and most people had their eyes closed. I stood up and told Dan that I lost my dad when I was 19. He held me and I wept. I felt the transfer of fatherly love into my soul. I felt deep comfort that even though I do not have an earthly father, my heavenly father sees me and knows me.
The second part of camp was focused on logistics. We spent time working as a team and went through simulations of situations we might encounter while on the World Race. One night my whole squad slept underneath a tarp. It was pouring rain. We tried to remain optimistic, but the situation was bleak. Just to be honest, that night I felt defeated. I felt so inadequate and uncomfortable. However, the next day God provided encouragement for me to keep going. One night my squad went through an “airport night.” We “slept” in a brightly lit room and there was a recording playing of a woman announcing flight numbers. Most people slept on the floor and some, like me, slept on a folding chair. I was really uncomfortable and felt frustrated about the lack of sleep. The people on my squad helped to make these experiences more bearable. I have never felt such a sense of kindness, acceptance, and community in all my life. I felt safe and cared for by friends I hardly knew. I am thrilled to be part of such an amazing group. We began camp as strangers and left camp as family. I returned to Pittsburgh on Sunday night.
I hit the ground running and returned to work on Monday. I’ve been trying to wrap my head around everything that happened over the past 10 days. I’ve realized that I am an internal processor and that it is ok to allow myself the time to do so. I have pages and pages of writing in my journal from the teachings at camp. It may take months to sort through all the emotions that were stirred up during this brief 10 days. That being said, I feel God is exposing those areas and at the same, time healing those areas. The particular area I feel like God has highlighted is grief. I feel like God showed me that I need to grieve the loss of my dad. Even deeper than that, I feel like I need to grieve the loss of allowing myself to “need” a dad. For years I have shelved the need to have a daddy. I’ve done this to protect myself. I feel like God wants me to grieve this and awaken my need for a daddy. In addition to all the emotions that I am feeling about camp, I am feeling emotions about leaving my friends and family and, well, my whole life behind. I feel sad and scared to leave my mom and I worry about her health and well being. She has shown such bravery as my journey toward the World Race has progressed. I am blessed with a rich community of friends in Pittsburgh. My friends provide a deep sense of comfort. I feel sad that I will miss weddings and and babies being born. In addition to all this emotion, I have a lot of details that need to be sorted out before my departure.
I leave Pittsburgh for Atlanta on June 28 and then traveling first to Albania. There are so many logistics that need to work out in very little time. My full time job ended today. Next week I am planning to work a few shifts at the hospital to earn some extra money. I have made the decision to move my things into my mom’s home. I need to roll over my 401K. How the heck do I do that? All of these things need to happen in a very short period of time. I would greatly appreciate your prayers and wisdom for this quick and overwhelming transition.
An update on fundraising… The Lord has provided me with a little over $10,000. I need to raise a total amount of $17,000 for the World Race. Thank you so much to all who have donated and prayed for my trip. Your prayers are very much needed and very much felt. For those who have not donated, would you consider supporting me? If you feel led to donate, please click the “support me” tab and donate online. You can also write a check to support me to “Adventures in Missions.” Ask me for details. Thank you so much for being part of my life. Love to you!
