5/20/12
The past 26 hours I’ve failed at this whole “Christian thing”.
I’ve wanted nothing more than to escape from God.
I’d had enough of this Jesus stuff.
I just wanted a break.
It’s been nothing but Jesus 24/7.
Wake up and pray.
Worship before breakfast.
Pray in the car on the way to a conference.
Sit at the conference and listen to lectures on the Bible.
Break out into small groups to discuss the Bible.
Discuss the Bible on the way home from the conference.
Get home and pray some more.
Sit in feedback and have more Jesus talks.
Prepare a sermon for the next morning before going to bed.
I’m surrounded by it from every direction.
And I just wanted out.
I wanted to run away.
So I did.
I fled out the doors of that church building as quickly as I could.
There was an offer to help with the kids program and I ran out the door.
I didn’t want to help with the kids program.
But if it meant getting out of more Jesus talks then I was all in.
So I played games and sang songs with the kids outside.
But I wasn’t mentally present with them at all.
Because even the kids were singing about Jesus.
And that’s the last thing I wanted.
After things slowed down I found myself sitting on a rock with my favorite little boy.
He sat in my lap for quite some time.
We didn’t say a single word to each other.
We didn’t even look at each other.
We just sat.
And passed rocks back and forth.
From my fingers to his.
From his fingers to mine.
I was perfectly ok with all of this.
I didn’t want to have to talk to anyone.
I had achieved my goal.
I had ran away and escaped from everything.
Except I hadn’t done that at all.
Because God followed me right outside those walls we call church and sat with me on the rock.
I couldn’t run away from his presence.
In those moments on the rock he told me what he thought.
He let me into his heart.
He told me he doesn’t care about a show.
He doesn’t need for me to perform for him.
He just wants me to sit with him.
To play.
To have fun.
To hear my laugh.
To be a child.
To BE ME.
And in that moment I was super glad he let me into his heart.
That there was no escaping.
That I couldn’t just run away.
Because he smacked me with the truths I needed to hear.
So me I will be.
And sit I will do.
Just a little girl and her daddy.
Playing and laughing together.
