Proud to be weak

Leaving in one week for an 11 month long mission trip, I expected to be the strongest I've ever been in my faith and actions. I thought I would have it all together.

Funny how my expectations for this trip are already being broken. 

In these past few weeks I have become more aware of how weak I am. Each time someone would say how proud they were of me for going on this "noble mission" and how great of a person I am for giving up a year of my life for God and to serve others — I would simply smile and thank them…when instead, I wanted to tell them  how I am so unworthy of their praise. It is not because of my goodness, ability or saintliness that I am going on The World Race, it is because I am the complete opposite. I stumble. I succumb to temptation. I get scared when thinking about the intense commitment I've taken on. I worry that I am not prepared enough or that I haven't reached the point of "goodness" to where the Lord can use me.

BUT, I've come to realize that I'm exactly where the Lord wants me to be right now.

If I went into the Race with the mindset that I had it all together, then I would miss seeing what the Lord was doing, because I would be so proud of my own accomplishments. Now that I'm even more aware of my weaknesses and brokenness, I can start my journey off knowing that whatever I see and do is not from me, but the Lord's doing. It is His strength working through me.

I  came to this realization during worship at Buckhead Church yesterday. We were singing "Always," and the verses come from Psalm 18, after one of the many times that God rescued David from death. The song speaks of receiving strength from the Lord and how our Father never forsakes us. I have a feeling I'm going to come back to this Psalm and song time and time again throughout these next 11 months.

But instead of doubting myself because of my weaknesses, I will rejoice in my shortcomings — it is then that the Lord will shine, not Meagan Kelley.