At month 9 debrief, they brought up the forbidden subject: Re-entry.
For the past couple of months my team made sure to not allow talk about home to extend past a five minute conversation, to be sure that no one got lost in the future and missed out on what God wanted to do in the present.
So, when we first gave ourselves permission to talk about going home, it was new and exciting. I especially tend to enjoy talking about things that are only borderline allowed, it's the old rebel in me.
But as talk continues, I find myself fighting it more and more.
Yes, I am totally stoked to see the faces of my parents, sister, bro-in-law and friends.
Yes, I am counting the days until I get to eat Chickfila.
Yes, I am excited to be actually clean and wear "new" clothes.
Yes, I can't wait to drive my car by myself, whenever and where ever I want!
Yes, I am craving Taco Mac.
Yes, I dream of running the trails around Kennesaw Mtn…again, by myself.
Yes, I look forward to laying on my boat and getting rid of my farmer or "missionary" tan lines.
Yes, I am planning to go to the movies by myself.
Yes, I think about the freedom that comes from having my own cell phone.
Yes, immediate access to internet anywhere, all the time seems dreamy.
Yes, I have missed watching UGA football and the Braves.
And the list goes on and on…but I can't help but look around at my team and think about all that I am going to miss from the Race!
I will miss waking up to 6 of the most beautiful, loving and supportive women and immediately asking each other what we dreamed about.
I will miss taking photos of hundreds of playful children every day.
I will miss having my days planned out for me.
I will miss having the excuse "oh, sorry, we don't have wifi this month," so I can pretend the Internet world doesn't exist for a time.
I will miss having one whole day completely free with NO expectations of me.
I will miss my missionary wardrobe.
I will miss house to house visits, where strangers immediately welcome us into their homes and treat us like long lost friends.
I will miss learning phrases in new, foreign languages.
I will miss my new 11 families from around the world that have loved me so well.
I will miss exploring new towns, villages and cities.
I will miss the many sketchy types of transportation that we take.
I will miss the squad reunions every month where I get to hear all about my squad mates' months.
I will miss how cheap it is to live, eat and shop around the world.
I will miss how simple my days are: wake up, spend time with Jesus, eat 3 meals, do ministry, spend a couple hours talking and laughing with my team, chill and pray, and then go back to sleep and dream.
I will miss never, ever, ever, ever, EVER being alone.
I will miss being a teacher, preacher, evangelist, construction worker, babysitter, moral speaker, gardener, cook, mentor, friend, prayer walker, worship leader…and the list goes on.
I will miss changing locations every month – always a new country, family and experiences to be had.
I will miss talking about Jesus all day, every day (though this can happen back home, it just seems a bit tougher…But I am determined to keep this habit).
I will miss travel days with my squad, it's pretty comical traveling with 49 men and women on buses, taxis and planes…we always seem to stand out.
I will miss receiving constructive and positive feedback every day.
I will miss children and people running and walking up to us just because we are foreigners.
I will miss prophecy cards and discussing what animals and colors we are and why.
I will miss never wearing make up or looking into a mirror.
I will miss movie time with my teammates.
I will miss the thrill and newness of the first week of ministry and finally feeling at home during the last week of ministry.
As Christina Dombrowsky says "I will miss riding deep with 7 salty women."
The Race is not some break from life for me, something to do as a "gap year" after college before entering the "real world." This is my life and to know that it is changing in two months is hard. I am holding fast to the truth that God is good. As my teammate Browksy always reminds me, God doesn't take something away to leave you empty handed, he takes it away so that He can replace it with something BETTER.
With the Race coming to an end, I have to be intentional about telling myself that these next two months can still change me forever and after that, it will be the perfect time to return home.
God's timing is perfect. His plans are FAR above my own, that's why it's so easy to not fear the unknown, because God is known and nothing bad can ever come from a perfect and good god. Still, if I have learned anything from the Race thus far, it is also good to grieve.
It is okay to grieve the loss of anything, whether big or small, that I love. In fact, it's during this time of grief that we find out how truly valuable that thing or time was to us, we get to celebrate that we had it, cry that it is now over, but then look forward and see that something greater is laid out.
I have LOVED the Race, the people met and memories made. I am still living it up in these last two months, but on May 29, I will say tear-filled goodbyes and then walk into the future that God planned out at the beginning of time. The plans that will give me hope and a future, though I do not know what they are exactly, I am enjoying patiently waiting for the time when God chooses to reveal them.
So, family, friends and supporters, I humbly request and receive your prayers for my squad, team and myself as we head into the final stretch of our Race. We want to be refreshed and renewed so that we will get the most out of what God has for us. Please also be praying for the people of Rwanda. The Spirit of God is already there making way for us and I am so excited to meet God with the Rwandans!
XOXO
Meagan Rose
