I have always connected with the chapter in 1 Corinthians that talks about love… So much that I got “Love Never Fails” tattooed on my foot my junior year of college (something my parents, for a while, liked to call my Barbie serial number). To me both the verse and the tattoo seem to be a constant reminder that the Lord’s love never fails us… A reminder that when I feel completely alone or unloved, that there is someone who is right there next to me who understands my every feeling.
I had the amazing opportunity to share my testimony with some of my teammates/squadmates last week. One pretty rough time in my story occurred from Fall 2011- Summer 2012. To share a brief glimpse into that year:
I had just turned 22 (little did I know Taylor Swift’s song would not resonate with me that year). After 4 years at UTC, I had decided to take some time off from school. Well sort of… I had been persuaded to take online classes through Tennessee Tech, but still live in Chattanooga. I thought it would be a breeze. I could go to class in my pj’s! Well pretty quickly into the semester I started getting overwhelmed… not only with school, also with my personal life, with work, and with feeling excluded from not seeing my friends that much. Rather than deal with my emotions, I slowly started to shut down. I would consider it the start of a pretty intense depression. I stopped doing school and eventually had to pull out of all my online classes. Some days I wouldn’t want to get out of bed, and some days I didn’t. I became numb to my emotions.
Out of any point in my life, this is the one that I can pinpoint feeling loved the least. In the Spring, I was meeting with a mentor that spoke a lot of God’s truth and love into my life… but i’m not sure how much I actually believed it.
That next Fall I was accepted into Fall Program… An extended version of Discipleship Focus in Pigeon Forge. It’s here (almost a year later) that I started to process what had happened the entire previous year and heal from my numbness. I learned the Lord’s forgiveness, grace, and love for areas in my life where I felt unforgivable and unlovable!
I don’t know if you have ever shared your story, but there is so much power and freedom in proclaiming your sins and shortfalls out loud! It seems that every time I share mine, the shackles that the devil tries to weigh me down with have loosened a little more and more.
This past week when I shared, I opened the floor for questions or comments afterwards. I was majorly affirmed that my past does not define who I am. Christ left my sin on the cross when he WILLINGLY took my place. Not because he had to, but because he WANTED to! How beautiful! A final word was given by one of my squad leaders, Wes. Short and sweet, he said, “Meagan, if I could tell you anything this year, Be loved! Be loved by my teammates and be loved by God.”
DANG!
That really hit home. God has done A LOT of healing over the years, a lot of restoration since 22, but man, I’m not sure how much I’ve actually let Him love me.
So here is my declaration: This year I will let down my walls, I will stop being so stubborn, and I will simply allow myself to be loved.
I would challenge you to do the same. Where can you let your walls down? Where can you allow others to love you? Where can you allow God to love you (in your past or present)?
