We are in Malaysia this month. We have partnered with all sorts of organizations and participated in all sorts of ministry. We partnered with PenHOP – the House of Prayer in Penang, where we spent different days throughout the month in prayer for 5-7 hours. Prayer is such a beautiful, powerful thing. You would think 7 hours of prayer would be long, but the time always flew by, leaving me wanting more. I found myself participating in all sorts of activities, like journaling, reading the Bible, praying over verses in the Bible, Lectio Divina, praying the rosary, singing, listening to worship music, creating art, and sitting in silence. I loved the place. I felt light whenever I was there. It was so full of the Spirit.
We worked with Village Artisan, a fair-trade company that provides jobs for men and women in India. It makes it possible for them to provide for their families and gives them a sense of purpose. Having provision and a purpose prevents women from going into the sex trafficking trade because they are no longer desperate and they have a reason to stay where they are. We helped the founders, Tasha & David, of Village Artisan put on a pop-up shop. Tasha reminded me so much of my mom, making the impossible happen with perfection, pulling off a one-of-a-kind event. She was so darn cute and has such a beautiful passion for ministry and Christ. It was unique and gave me perspective on what it means to do missions abroad in the long term. I got to see a community of people dedicated to God, but still living a normal life with friends, families, dreams, and struggles. I got to witness this community as I helped turn a coffee shop into a store, put on an event, and then turn it back into a coffee shop in three days. There is an online store if you want to check out their products. Lots of cute things!!! They ship all over the world and support a wonderful cause.
After that, we helped lead a kid’s camp. There are Malay, Indian, and Chinese Malaysians. It is forbidden in Malaysia to evangelize and share the Gospel with Muslims. Malay Malaysians are required by law to be Muslim. It is illegal for them to be anything different. Once a Muslim, it is illegal to change religion. A group of 20-30 year olds from a church in Penang felt called to lead this camp. They went to the Christian leaders of Malaysia for support and were turned down. They told them it was impossible to reach the youth; they had tried it before. The church was so passionate about it that they didn’t let that stop them. They banded together and decided to make it happen through their own efforts and by following God’s lead. We led a Christian camp in a culture where it seems impossible. We loved on the kids and taught them about Jesus. My main focus was just connecting with each of the kids on my team and being intentional about getting to know them and push them to grow as individuals. I loved my team. They took me under their wing, speaking in English for my sake and making sure I understood what was going on when directions were spoken in another language. Shu Ting would come find me, grab on to my arm, smile up at me, and ask, “Do you understand?” When I didn’t, they would joyfully translate, looping me in. Tracy smiled brighter as the days went on and there seemed to be a new light within her. Hern Ong and Adrian were my brothers in Christ and had a joy that only comes from Him. Samuel was so quiet and shy on the first day, but by the last day, he looked at home, constantly laughing and bringing joy to the team. I could go on and on talking about everyone on my team. I could see God working in different ways in each of them and will continue to pray that they will know Him as Savior and know His love for them. The camp was awesome because it gave us an opportunity to talk about Jesus and freely share the joy of Christ. The youth ranged from age 10-20 and it was inspirational to see the Christian leaders succeed at bringing the good news of the gospel to the next generation. They made the impossible happen. It was a joy being able to bless them and help them lead the youth on a journey toward Christ.
We partnered with other organizations throughout the month. We did a lot of cleaning, setting other ministries up for success as they expanded. We participated in prayer walks through the streets of Malaysia and in the malls. We had to trust the Lord to lead us where we were needed. We met various Christians, prayed for healing, and grew in remaining in the presence of God wherever we went. It has been an interesting month, with scattered ministry, but I feel that the Lord went overboard in blessing us. He blessed us with our host, Jessica Robbins, an awesome American gal who has been on the race herself. We walked into an apartment decorated for Christmas and little packages of cookies with Welcome Home written on them. It was like walking into home! It has taught me what home is. I want my home to be God’s house, a place where He is welcome, where all are welcome. When I signed up for the race, I thought it was going to include a lot of grungy, roughing it type places, but we got quite the opposite here. We have had beds and showers and Christmas music all month long! Jessica’s life is a testimony to God. She has an eternal mindset and lives to spread the faith. All of her major life decisions have been God-driven. She moved to New York when she sensed God telling her to go. Again, she uprooted and moved to Malaysia when He called her here. I’ve had so much fun talking to her. She is authentic, relatable, and a little firecracker. I feel blessed by her friendship and know that God is going to move through her more and more as she goes down life’s road. And to top it off, I have been able to attend mass this month!!! I have missed it so much and it was a blessing to be able to attend and have it spoken in English. I love being able to connect with Christ through the Eucharist and it felt like a little piece of home. God is so good! I was homesick for the week leading up to Christmas. I have never been homesick before, so that was quite an experience. It’s bloody awful missing a Dooney Christmas! I love my family so much and can’t wait to celebrate the next one with them. I loved this month of Advent, of preparation for Christmas. Advent means ‘the coming.’ I loved growing in that eternal mindset, celebrating the first coming of Jesus Christ and preparing for His coming in the future. What a day that the King of kings would enter the world as a man. God could have entered the world any way He chose to, and He chose to come as a baby. The rest is history with God revealing Himself to us through His Blessed Son. Christ was born to save us, and we get to celebrate the blessed day of His birth every December, when God became man and paved a new path for us, providing us with a path to salvation and eternal life. It has been quite the month, full of fun, full of Christ, full of growth, full of lessons.
Personally, I’ve been learning a lot about what I think God is calling me to. I love the idea of discipleship and helping others in their walks with Christ. I like the idea of inspiring Christian activation to fight the complacency in today’s world of Christianity. Before the race, complacency was something I could feel coming into my walk with Christ and I didn’t like it. Working as a nurse aide, I started to accumulate the pieces of the American dream. I was renting a place, had a beautiful room, wardrobe, bed, outdoor gear, etc. I loved my place! I enjoyed cooking and eating healthy. I worked out consistently. I explored nature most days and found time to spend with friends, family, and to invest in new hobbies. I attended mass and was involved in the Christian community. Life was so good! I was on a great path, but I knew that it was a path that would ultimately not lead me to true happiness. There was work that God could only do in me away from home and from my perfect life. I want my foundation to be Christ in every way. I want Him as my center. I don’t want to worship other idols in life, like money, job security, a husband, technology. I will not be fulfilled by that life. I was struggling to understand the point of earthly fruits without the heavenly fruits. As happy as I was, I knew there was more in this life for me. Now, here I am, halfway around the world, still fighting the same fight, still learning about eternity, and still growing in letting go of myself to let God do His work in me and through me.
What is God trying to do or teach me in this moment? Where is He working? What is He trying to teach others around me? I think God speaks to me when I come out of myself and try to see what is so clearly there but humanity prevents me from seeing or comprehending. When I look through His lens, He is showing me the way. The race doesn’t purely refer to this season of my life – it refers to the entirety of my life here on earth. A common saying I’ve heard is, “The Race is what you make it.” There is some truth to that on the world race, but there’s more truth to that in the real race we call life – the race towards our heavenly Father, towards our Creator, towards eternity. I thought I was going to be pushed to grow more than I have been. I’ve learned that life on the race is still regular old life in a season of change. I have to put the work in and most of the growth is on the inside and results from reflection and taking time to grow in intimacy with God. I have to push myself and continue opting in to that initial yes of the race. I have to opt in to the spirit of racing and not just living life, letting time pass me by. One thing I’ve learned is that some people give life and challenge you to grow; more often than not, people challenge you to forget yourself to really see them and help them grow. I have been blessed by people on my squad who have taken the time to forget themselves and push me to become bolder as the person God created me to be. In essence, I am learning to become more me by stepping more fully into staying present with God regardless of the circumstances or situation I am in. I am growing in becoming more like Christ.
We have unlimited access to the Holy Spirit, but we limit the Holy Spirit’s access to us. I have started to notice this in my daily life. It comes from busyness, distractions, lack of faith, and lack of trust. In the Bible, I read about the miracles that Jesus completed and the miracles that were done in His name. I believe in them. I believe they happened. The possibilities are endless with Christ. I believe others when they tell me of healings, and I believe I can participate in them, but I have noticed that I leave healing to others because I don’t have enough faith or trust that God will use me to heal others since He never has before. When the occasion arises to pray for healing, I participate full of expectation that healing will happen, but I think there is a fear deep down that it could actually happen. That fear hinders God from working through me. Maybe I’m not ready, but I think of that saying, “If not you, then who?” My past experiences don’t limit my future experiences. When do we start believing that there can be no newness in our walk with Christ? I’ve started to really ask myself the questions: Where do I get in the way of Jesus or limit the Holy Spirit’s access to me? What can I do to give the Holy Spirit more access? I think my race is limited by my failure to stay constantly in His presence and to remember His presence, regardless of the circumstances. I miss divine appointments all the time because of it. I limit God in my fears of rejection and judgment, in my lack of trust/faith, and in my lack of experience – not knowing so choosing not to jump. When we are invited to try new things, like preaching, teaching, creative worship, listening prayer, prophesy, speaking in tongues, etc, I tend to hide. I realized that I am limiting the Holy Spirit by not stepping into what is uncomfortable and foreign to me. When I do, God has the ability to move, and guess what! He has been. I have finally let some walls down and stepped into different opportunities. Listening prayer is one of them. We take time to listen and see if God has any words or pictures to give us. At times, I get nothing, but at other times, He has given me a picture or words that have meant something to others. He gave me an image of a castle wall for another gal on my squad once. I felt dumb telling her that God had shown me a wall for her. She couldn’t believe it, and told me how she had a dream about a castle wall the previous night. It verified that God was trying to tell her something through that, and He was in fact speaking to her. A word I received for someone was the same word two other people also received and shared at different times on the same day with another girl on my squad. It has been neat to see that God can use that to verify things and speak to us. As I continue down life’s road, it is up to me to choose whether or not to jump in to those uncomfortable situations and make room for God to show up. I have been stepping into speaking in front of people, giving/receiving feedback aka speaking the truth in love, and being vulnerable. I can’t say I love it, but it has been fruitful. I am striving to continue stepping into these things.
Our teams are required to have a period of time each day where we sit in a circle of awkward silence and wait for someone to speak. It’s feedback time, a time to speak the truth in love. We are called to point out things that we see in each other that are not like Christ as well as those that are – in order to encourage one another to grow as human beings. It helps to rid us of blind spots – the good and bad things others see in us but we don’t see in ourselves. I think giving feedback to others is already growing me a lot by forcing me to share my thoughts about individuals on my team in a group setting. We are asked to not respond to constructive feedback, but to say thank you and then mull over the feedback we are given. In the moment, I don’t have the chance to make sure the individual understands what I’m saying. It is forcing me to speak and say what’s on my mind in front of five people without the ability to make sure they understand. I think that is growing me to speak in front of a crowd. It’s teaching me to be okay with not knowing whether my words are hitting home. It’s teaching me to follow Jesus better, to say what He wants me to say simply because He asked me to. I am called to simply put it out there…it’s up to others to take it or leave it. If you’ve ever read the poem Anyways, it sums it up pretty well, “You see, in the final analysis it is between you and your God, it was never between you and them anyway.” I am learning to let God be the first to lead me, and not the people around me, to not be swayed by the voice of people. It has been awesome to see my teammates and other people on my squad grow from it. I love seeing that God is growing them through what I see and share.
My team has told me that I have a strong voice and wisdom. They are starting to push me to step out and share my thoughts. They say that my words reach their souls. And yet, I have this annoying fear of public speaking. When we’re willing to look like a fool, we give God the ability to move through us. What prevents me from that…fear of judgment, fear of rejection? What part of myself do I still need to lay down at the foot of the cross? What do I need to surrender to God in this moment? What are my motives? Where am I being self-reliant? They said the enemy would attack what has the ability to bring kingdom. I am going to keep trying to step out, but it doesn’t seem to get any easier, only harder as more people think my voice is worth listening to because that means there’s more pressure. I am trying to push into embracing looking like a fool for God. That’s easy in regular life, but not when I’m on stage and everyone is looking at me and paying attention to me. I have to choose to look like a fool for God and remember earthly failure is not failure in my walk with Christ, but a time to grow and strengthen my faith. It is up to me to grow my boldness for Christ. I can grow in looking to Him for the okay to continue going forth or to continue with confidence when I feel discouraged by those around me. I can grow in keeping my eyes fixed on Him when I am speaking in front of others. I want to grow in hearing the Holy Spirit so strongly in the situations that make me nervous and get my heart racing that I forget my racing heart and sweaty palms because I feel so strongly and am so in tune with what the Holy Spirit is trying to say through me and do in the moment. I want to partner with Him in what He is doing already. It’s a struggle to forget myself enough to let that happen. It doesn’t just happen one day. Fears don’t simply disappear. I have to step into the uncomfortable. I have to keep fighting to let go of myself and let God.
I’ve been stepping out more and more and forcing myself to go for it. It’s been slow in coming but I’m still gritting my teeth and going for it. I spoke a number of times in front of the squad in Thailand. One night, I felt that God was telling me to share my thoughts. Three songs later, I finally got the courage to let go of myself and say what He had put on my heart. I stood up, trembled as I said my piece, sat down as quickly as I could, and waited for the nerves that had stirred up within me to settle down. I had invited everyone to share things that they need to surrender. One person got up and shared, and then worship continued. For a couple of minutes, I had thoughts whirling around in my head, telling me that I was an idiot for standing up, until I realized that it didn’t matter what everyone else heard…what mattered is that God told me to say those words. In doing so, I said yes to Him. It’s not about the people I’m telling it to, although I hope it is fruitful for them too. It’s about stepping out in faith…I said yes to Him. The next time He calls me to do/say something, the more likely I will. By stepping out in the little things, I hope it will lead me to step out in the big things. God will move through me if I step out in faith, stop limiting the Holy Spirit’s access to me, and give God room to step into.
We are going to be teaching English this coming month in the Philippines on Bacolod island. It’s our last month in Asia and our last month as Team Querencia. Be praying for us as we begin ministry in the Philippines. It is a bit dangerous there at the moment and we would love prayers for protection. More importantly, be praying that God would move through us this month! Much love to you!
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!!!!
Bisous,
Meagan
