Okay, so you’re standing in a room with hundreds of people your age. Most are sitting, some are standing. It is dark and your eyes are closed. You sway from side to side in tune with a slow, delicate melody. A woman sings softly; someone strums a guitar. You don’t know the words but find yourself humming along. Your mind is fully present. You are relaxed. You feel this presence enveloping you and the whole room. You become aware of it and find that you’re swimming in peace. You see an image. A man stands with his arms reaching out to you. His face is fierce with the smallest trace of a smile on His lips. His eyes gaze into your very soul. You feel an intense love emanating from his core, a hope in all that you are. It is pouring into you, filling you up. You didn’t realize you were missing anything before, but now you feel wholeness, completeness. You feel alive. Feeling cherished beyond compare, your eyes start to water for just a moment and you open them. The lens that once marred your vision has been torn off and you look around with a similar gaze upon your face. You see a room filled with brothers and sisters, your family. They are all beautiful beyond compare, perfectly made, good to the core. You have a hope in all that they are and all they will do. All you see is the possibility that resides in them. It takes you back to the open love you felt for others as a child. It makes you want to fill any sorrow with joy, any pain with healing, any loss with hope. You want to be with them so they know they are loved. The Holy Spirit pours into and reignites the spirit that resides within each of their hearts. You whisper, “Come Holy Spirit, come.”
There are moments in life that bring my heart of hearts to the front and I am my most authentic self – when I let go of trying to be anything but who I am at my core – moments of grief that I cannot contain, moments when my dreams are realized and become the reality I am living, moments when other people show me their most authentic self and I can’t help but let the walls around me fall and do the same. This past month has held many moments of this purest of all authenticity – hard, sad, joyful, glorious, and spiritual moments. These are times that I am more alive and present in this world than ever, when my heart is whirling with life and my spirit is barely contained within.
On August 10th, an ordinary Tuesday morning, my little sister and I arose at 4am and she drove me to the airport where we hugged goodbye with sleep in our eyes. We had just gone through an emotionally intense two weeks, but it felt like we were free to look to the future and new horizons. Although I wouldn’t see her on my return, as she was heading back to her sophomore year of college, it was more of a sweet goodbye than a bitter one – the promise of new life beckoned.
I flew from Portland, Oregon to Atlanta, Georgia and by the time I arrived, I had only enjoyed the complementary snack from the flight and was failing to get my energy up to meet the people I would be doing life with for the next year. My flight was delayed and landed so late that I had no time for food, but rushed to catch the shuttle for the drive to Gainesville. Georgia heat settled everywhere on my skin, and I felt sticky, hot, tired, and hungry – feelings that stuck throughout the ten days of training camp (TC) but were somewhat forgotten as Christ renewed my mind and drew my attention elsewhere. Praise the Lord, after checking in I was given a sandwich and chips for dinner, and our squad was escorted to our sleeping quarters – a nice plot of land covered in bark chips, nestled between showers and porta potties. We turned it into a rainbow of color as we set up our makeshift homes, mostly tents from REI, for the duration of camp and off to our first session we went – so began the experience of training camp…crazy, wonderful, and rugged.
We all gathered together and rang in TC with some good ole praise and worship in a room of more than 300. I settled down to listen to a talk that would begin the work of opening my mind and heart for the race – God had already begun to prepare me for all that was ahead. Our squad of 37 split from the others and we met our coaches, a darling married couple. With Christ-like love, Keith and Karen set the mood from the moment they introduced themselves and shared their fear of inadequacy as first time coaches. They showed us their hearts and a connection was built. We all struggle as we go down life’s path, at every age along the journey. We have to let go of our doubts and fears to pursue the kingdom. I must make the decision to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior every day. The path of following Christ doesn’t get easier, but we grow stronger and more sure-footed as we wander down it. Keith and Karen brought walls down, showing us that we can be real and trust one another.
“Sunbeams out of the clouds; Faith out of all my doubt.” – Terri Guillemets
As the first couple of days passed in a whir, I couldn’t quite put together how God was calling me to this. I had become complacent in my walk with Christ over the last year. I wanted more, but didn’t know how to get more. I was trying to live a life in Christ without putting Him at the center. I struggle to give up control and let Him do His work. I was running alongside God, but not in sync with Him. I looked elsewhere for affirmation. I was trying to fit in to this world’s demands to avoid judgment from others. So…I arrived hungry, in body and mind, and God changed my perspective. At the beginning of TC, He had me look inward to see what He sees in me. He filled me with confidence and trust in Him. He revealed the bottomless oceans of His love for me. Love we experience for others is only a drop in His infinite sea of love. He loves me. I want my identity to be in Christ. I can only do that if I stop looking for approval from others. In one of our sessions we were told, “Become the person God wants you to be, defined by His perceptions and His truths.” Wow! That’s powerful! Who would I be if I did that and saw others the same way? My affirmation is in Christ. He says I am good. He says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He wants me to know that He delights in me. He cherishes me. He returned me to Him. He built trust within me – trust in Him and in His plan. I don’t have to hold myself up. Next, He brought my eyes away from myself to look outward, to see as He sees. He had me listen to the stories He has blessed others with. He had me listen to their struggles and be present with them. He showed me that He sees them the same way that He sees me. Lastly, He told me to stop consulting my little brain in every matter. He filled me with the Holy Spirit and called me to align myself with Him. Now, I can see how He has been preparing me for this for years, slowly showing me His ways, so that I will not turn tail and run when I witness things that my logical mind can’t comprehend. I am no longer a slave to fear. I am not scared to see healing or to hear people speak in tongues. I am not scared of being judged or standing on my own, for God is with me. After sharing my story with one of my squad members, I was told, “God chose that story for your life.” And so He did! He called all 37 of us for the task at hand. He brought us together to go out and mission as one body in Christ. He chose each one of our stories and calls us to use them for His greater glory. He will move through us – through our different backgrounds and perspectives. Just as He has chosen me, He has chosen the people we will encounter and begun His work in them. He has made the divine appointments; I am called to show up for them. He is teaching me to remain in Him by speaking the truth with love, learning humility, and choosing grace. What is it to be in the Spirit? For me, it is when my mind and heart align with and tune into the truth of Jesus Christ, the will of our heavenly Father, and surrender to letting the Holy Spirit flow through me – falling in line with the gospel’s ultimate message of unconditional love. Alone, I am nothing, but in Him, I am a force to be reckoned with.
We survived ten days of ‘sleeping scenarios’ that tested our exhaustion and ability to still turn to Christ in our different states of lucidity. From ‘losing half our luggage’ to being serenaded by the loud noise of the freezing and fluorescent-lit ‘airport’ all night long, we had to keep present minds, open hearts, and willing spirits. We had to forget our eating habits and adopt the customs and lifestyle of a different culture each day, whether it meant eating weird food on the ground without utensils or walking through a real-life market as kids stole from our day packs. There was even a day I ate a cricket. Yeah, yuck! Never again! We exercised our physical selves each morning, and then exercised our spiritual and mental selves throughout the day. It was amazing that regardless of circumstance, our team stuck together the whole week and welcomed whatever scenarios were thrown at us. We embraced going with the flow, preparing us to embrace where the wind, the Spirit, blows us in mission. Our squad became a family and the days passed too quickly. Stories continued to be shared with more and more honesty. It was as if we were all saying, “Here I am, take it or leave it.” We began as strangers from all over America but became united in our love and heart to seek the Lord. We roughed it all week and watched as the Holy Spirit wormed His way more fully into our being, welcoming Him into our conversations. Our friendships formed with Christ as the foundation, authenticity led the way, and my heart expanded. We made the decision that we would love each other through our differences and stay focused on the mission. Without the daily comforts we take for granted, we were stripped down and raw. I came to know the hearts of my squad. The lens of judgment formed from past experience was gone and I can see our brothers and sisters everywhere with the eyes of Christ. I see them the way that Christ sees us, with agápe – a selfless love that is found in Christ, at the foot of the cross. God’s very nature is love, He is love and by His grace, we are all redeemed.
“For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” John 3:16.
A week into TC, our teams were chosen, and I was filled with peace. Our squad has six teams that will be sent to each country with a different mission. I will mission with my team of five other women. We spent a couple hours together bonding, and I can see how we complement each other. I would never have come up with this team, but already I can see His hand at play in bring us together. Our squad spent a night in prayer, taking shifts with our teams to pray. During that time, our team leader let her walls down. She placed her trust in us and was so honest with where she is at. She gave us an example to follow. Our team is ready to be there for one another in any struggles we are having and will support one another as a family would. I cannot wait to return to my team and continue to deepen our faith together. I am excited to be with them and for God to be with us.
After returning home, our squad expressed how ready we are to take those living conditions back ASAP if it means that we can be together again, growing and experiencing Christ in the way we did at TC. I am so ready to go but know that I need to prepare my heart, renew my mind, and live with intention. This journey will not be easy; it will be tough and scary at times. I will mess up, I will fall short, I will not do it perfectly, but in Him, I am perfect. All He sees when He looks at me is my heart and who I am to the core. I am His daughter, made in His image and in His likeness. In the Bible, God says, “I am” – that is who He is. My goal is to live life ‘being’ present in mind, body, and spirit and ‘being’ one with Him. That is the work I am starting now. I am going on this mission for a year, it started two weeks ago, but it is meant to set up the rest of my life to bring His kingdom to earth. I am being taught to look outward and let His light shine. He is the one who was and is and is to come. He is going to plant many seeds through us. We will be blessed to see some of His harvest.
Please pray for us. Pray that we won’t get in the way of ourselves, in the way of the mission. Pray for our surrender and unity within our squad. Pray for openness – for the works God will complete. Pray for a spirit of abandonment within us, that we could look at the lack of comforts we’re used to as a blessing and embrace it. Pray for our squad to stay humble and live in grace. Pray that His lost sheep come home to Him, that their walls are already being knocked down. Most of all, pray that we remain in Him and love will win out wherever we go. For thine is the Kingdom and the power and the glory, forever and ever. Amen. God’s blessings to you!
In Christ,
Meagan
I have to reach $10,000 by September 16th to be able to launch with my team at the beginning of October. Donations take 1-2 weeks to process and I have $2,425 to go! If you feel called to support our mission, please do! God is providing an opportunity for those that can no longer go out on the field to hold me up with their prayer and support. Prayer is a miracle in itself, so please start with your prayers. God will provide. I have faith in Him and hope in the people He calls to come with me on this journey. Come with us and open your heart to learn alongside my team.
Fundraising challenges me to let go of my pride to be willing to let God use it as a tool to turn my trust to Him and to let others see His work. I have to let go of the conviction that I need to make everything happen on my own. I realized I was taking God’s place of provision by putting my trust and reliance in the ways of the world. He wants me to be the hands and feet, out on the field, but He also calls me to share His good works and spread His good news by writing. So here I am, doing something I’ve never done before and blogging. I worried that I wouldn’t be good at it, but that was forgotten at training camp. I don’t want to write because we are asked to; I want to write because I have to – because I can’t keep Him to myself. I am learning to write for Christ because I want Him to use it to reach hearts; not as a place where people can just keep up with my life. He is taking me on a journey; He wants to take others on that journey too. I will try to be raw and real by drawing near to Him. As they always say, let go and let God. I hope you’ll join me. Bisous!
4th Generation M Squad – My World Race Family
Team Querencia – the women I will live on mission with and lean on to share the good news
Francis Chan says what the heart can’t:
As for me, I am tired of talking about what we are going to do. I am sick of talking about helping people, of brainstorming and conferencing about ways we can be radical and make sacrifices. I don’t want to merely talk anymore. Life is too short. I don’t want to speak about Jesus; I want to know Jesus. I want to be Jesus to people. I don’t want just to write about the Holy Spirit; I want to experience His presence in my life in a profound way.
