Thailand – a land of adventure and beauty, jungles and bamboo, tigers and elephants, waterfalls and lanterns. I loved getting to explore the many hidden beauties in this country. I didn’t adore the land of Cambodia, but I loved the people, the ministry, and the culture. I was blessed to see the heart of Cambodia; Thailand has been just the opposite. It is all squad month, meaning the teams come together and all forty of us work with one ministry for the month. We are working against the cycle of sex trafficking. I love the country. I adore Thailand. I cannot stop breathing in the fragrance of Christ in the beauty that Cambodia could not offer, and yet I haven’t loved it here. There is hopelessness and disparity in the hearts of the people. I see it when I walk down the street and see people on their knees in front of Buddhist monks. I feel it walking through Buddhist temples as my stomach drops and I feel how God hurts for His people stuck in this way of life. They believe suffering is an inherent part of life, which is predetermined based on karma. Many believe they must suffer to be liberated. Others believe they can free themselves of suffering by reaching enlightenment. They seek to improve their karma and future lives through mental and moral self-purification. This is done through good works like giving to monks and accepting suffering. I am thankful for the one, true God. He is a God of hope and light, truth and life. Surrounded by nature as I walk to ministry each morning, my spirits cannot resist rising while I soak in the endless creation that shouts of Him. I try to maintain my focus on walking through the day with Him fully present, so that the hopelessness cannot reach me. He speaks of His hope and points me towards the light of His presence. Where there is light, darkness cannot remain.
My team is partnering with another team on the squad and we are helping at a Christian café and hostel. It began as a safe haven to bring women out of the sex trafficking trade, disciple them, provide them with a temporary job and place for healing. The goal is to lead them to a future filled with hope and to give them opportunity. Our focus is restoration and we try to connect with the women, build relationships with them, and show them the love of Christ. Two of the other teams focus on intervention. They try to reach women stuck in the sex trafficking trade and teach them about Christ with the hope to pull them out. The last two teams focus on prevention. They spend their days in the slums and show the many kids there the love of Christ and teach Vacation Bible School. The hope is to connect with parents so that they will not send their kids into the sex trafficking trade to begin with as that is a common way parents seek to make money. Ministry has been interesting. It feels as though I am just working at a café some days or cleaning a hostel other days. It is similar to a job in the states. I love spending time with the gals and letting His joy and love flow into them. Everything I touch becomes clean. It is a neat concept washing the dirt away and watching things become new. Everything and everyone Christ touches becomes clean and new. I have learned to continue hoping in Christ when I cannot see hope. When I can’t see the big picture, I still know that He is good and He reigns.
He has been teaching me about who I am as His daughter. He continuously calls me to intimacy with Him. That is what He made us for. He made us to love Him and to love others. It is so difficult to make time to just be alone with Him. I am an extrovert, but I love alone time and know that He calls me to draw away from others to spend time with Him and grow in our relationship. I am easily distracted and content to spend time with others, but my heart yearns for that time with Him. I have to fight for it, and that is one of the muscles I am currently trying to strengthen. The other is vulnerability – that wonderful ability to be open and honest, to put yourself out there – yeah, not my tendency. Feelings? Yes, they are there, but what is the point of dwelling on them when I can just choose joy and fixate on the beauty around me instead? Feelings are annoying and it is a waste of energy to express them. In a big family, there would be way too many emotions if everyone expressed their feelings. It was easier for me to learn to just suppress them and find ways to let them go. I chose joy as my coping mechanism. Feelings and vulnerability give others something to hold on to. Why would I want to give others a hold on me? Well, why do you think He blessed us with reasoning, with feelings, with emotion? Letting Him channel our emotions will bring more kingdom than hiding those emotions. God is reminding me that it gives others a hold on Him when I give them my humanity to relate to and share in. When I choose to forego those basic feelings, I leave others in the dust while I escape to my joy bubble. It makes me unrelatable and hard to reach. They reciprocate that after grasping for a way to connect to me and leave me in my joy bubble. I can let God use the perspective He has given me to change the perspective of those around me so that they can see where there is joy and beauty, to see God’s hand in life all around. I am trying to learn more about what leads to those feelings, especially the prominent ones in my life like joy and contentment in Him, so that I can help others expand my bubble of joy into a world full of joy and light for all to take part in. I want to preach Jesus in all that I am and the only way to do that is through loving others. Shutting them out does the opposite of that, so I am striving to put my heart out there for others. I know who I am and am confident in that, but I think there is a lot that I don’t know about myself that God is revealing to me and teaching me to use as a tool for His glory. I am excited for the growth that is happening within me this year. I know that it is leading my internal compass closer to pointing due Jesus. One of my biggest hopes in spending a year on mission is to develop an unstoppable strength, perseverance, and confidence as a Christian and to gain more tools to spread Jesus to all. I want to grow in intimacy with Christ. I seek to live each moment consulting Him and what He calls me to do or say. I want to live present with Him always. Standing firmly in His presence is the struggle I will fight my whole life. Thailand has been full of lessons, memories, struggles, and beauty. I have grown and am continuing to grow more into the person God made me to be. I know I’m fighting the good fight, and now I am off to Malaysia! I am so excited for what God has in store for us there!!!
Bisous,
Meagan
