To be awakened is to be lifted up, taken out of nonexistence, roused to our purpose.
I want you to think about each of those concepts individually and ask yourself this: Is my spirit awake to what the Holy Spirit is saying?
This past week, four World Race squads gathered under one roof in Chiang Mai, Thailand to worship, serve, teach, and pray in an event called The Awakening. Essentially, it’s three days of giving away glimpses of our experience to those who share this bigger experience with us.
We’re all part of the Church. We have all made the decision to follow Jesus into the unknown on this wild adventure. We each have a team and ministry hosts and a route of 11 countries, but the rest is an open field. We travel to different places, experience different ministry settings, walk through different team dynamics, and encompass different gifts from the same Father.
The Awakening is a time for all of us to come together as one body of believers and share those differences with one another. It’s truly incredible to sit in a room with 100 other millennials who are running after the same Jesus I am.
Let me tell you something, my friend. God not only showed up this week, he woke me from a soul stupor of sorts. And wow, I’m so thankful.
If you have read my recent blogs or caught up with me over the last few months, you probably know this has been a rough season. I have felt so broken at times I didn’t know how to put the pieces back together.
That’s not to say there haven’t been good times. Every day with God is an opportunity to rejoice over something. All I’m saying is it’s hard to see the sun shining when the clouds keep passing by. It takes intentional choice to see it. It doesn’t take away the reality of the sun’s presence, but we have to choose to believe it’s there when everything is in shadows.
Finally, the clouds have begun to pass and the light has returned. I can see reality for what it is again, and I have remembered to trust in nothing but the truth of God’s word.
It’s been a healing time. I’m remembering who I am again, and that feels pretty nice. I’m living as the woman God made me to be, with confidence, and that’s even better.
I stopped questioning if every word I say is going to hurt someone’s feelings. I started being okay with taking ownership of the things I can take ownership of and letting go of the rest.
These are all amazing strides away from the complete lack of peace I was living in a couple weeks ago. Freedom is so, so good.
Yet there’s something that happens to me when the cloudy days become familiar again. They feel normal after a while. They become what I know, and they always push me right into the arms of the Father.
While it’s good to draw near to God in any circumstance, I found myself subconsciously yearning for chaos to lead me there.
I know, it’s gross. I actually hate to type out the words because it makes my sick heart all the more undeniable. Yet the Lord’s love is so tender that he calls out to me even when I’m running after emotional chaos because it’s familiar and easy in a way.
I found myself in a fog on the last night of The Awakening. I couldn’t pinpoint what I was feeling, but something was off. I felt like I should feel guilty or I should be struggling. I couldn’t understand what was behind this, but I kept searching for the thing that caused this sense of impending hurt.
I know this can all be attributed to spiritual warfare and the enemy’s schemes against me, but in those moments it can be hard to discern the truth.
During worship that night, in a puddle of confusion, I sang out the words to “Lay It Down” and listened to the Lord’s heart for me.
He said I don’t have to pick up empty burdens. I don’t have to search for pain to be close to him. I can draw near on the sunniest day of the year and he will rejoice right along with me.
He spoke to my spirit and told me that I don’t have to be broken to need him.
Dang, Lord. Thanks for that.
It was humbling to realize that I was actually chasing something that wasn’t God at all. I got lost in translation. I was choosing pain to comfort me when he was offering me healing.
To be awakened is to be lifted up, taken out of nonexistence, roused to our purpose.
When I think about what this means, I can’t help but yearn for more awakening, more sunshine peering through the windows of my heart, more spin around, laugh your head off moments with my Jesus.
I don’t have to live in the shadows to run to his arms anymore. I can rest in his work and trust him to fight my battles.
Dang, it feels good to be awake.
