I have something embarrassing to tell you.
The story starts back at my training camp when I went through a 10-day whirlwind of learning and preparing for the year ahead.
With the 23 strangers who became family this year, I crossed rivers, rode on magic carpets, and solved puzzles for the sake of team building. We slept 12 people under a tarp in the middle of the Georgia woods. We worked through forgiveness and cut soul ties. We conquered (ha!) 2.2 miles in 30-some minutes with all of our gear strapped on our backs. To be honest, training camp was cool, but I left with unmet expectations that my world would be totally wrecked by the time I left the Adventures in Missions parking lot. I remember asking God to show me something new and bring me closer to Him. In hindsight, I had a specific image of what that would look like, and when it wasn’t what I got, the whole thing just seemed anticlimactic.
It’s kind of like visiting that one friend’s house who always bakes delicious sweets when you’re over. She usually makes rich, creamy cheesecake, which you love dearly. This time when you pay your friend a visit, she’s baking her grandmother’s lemon vanilla cupcake recipe. They’re just as delicious, rich, and telling of her love as the usual goodies, but you were expecting cheesecake. Your expectations aren’t met, and secretly, you’re disappointed with this gift and deem it as lackluster.
I didn’t understand why God wasn’t answering my prayer at training camp, but I see now I was putting him in a box. Thankfully, he’s in the business of shattering boxes, which I discovered as eleven months unfolded.
I had other assumptions, too. I arrived at training camp with expectations that I would be asked to hold a leadership position on the Race. I was aware that I carry natural influence and thought that was enough to be picked for the role of my choice. I didn’t consider the sacrifice, humility, patience, and grace that is required for those who want to lead like Christ.
Being a leader was something I idolized for most of my life. I was never picked to lead as a child, probably because I was such a trouble maker. When I applied for leadership positions in college, I got rejected more than once. I had this weird complex around titles that was shot through with deep-rooted insecurity and fear. I thought a title would be the thing to make my Race.
I left training camp wrecked in a way that I didn’t want to admit. I didn’t get a title, and man oh man did my pride ache. My mind spun around for months with questions pertaining to why I once again didn’t get picked, why I wasn’t good enough to be a leader, and why no one ever saw my potential.
Looking back now, bruising my ego was God’s tender remedy for my fractured perception of leadership. It catapulted me into a serious heart check and exposed my wretched idolatry to worldly success. I can’t tell you how edifyingly painful it was to realize I was still placing my worth in the external instead of the eternal.
It’s a good thing I wasn’t in a dedicated position because I wasn’t ready to lead anyone anywhere worth going. I had to first work out the kinks in my own walk with Christ (which is a never ending process, by the way) before I could even think about how this natural influence, this gift from God, would be used for HIS glory, not my own selfish ambition.
As I surrendered, I got my peace back. I had more mental space to think about how to love people. I got to sit at His feet once more instead of the chasing empty promises of self fulfillment.
Oddly enough, around the time I healed from my self-induced affliction, I was asked to team lead. I was excited that God would trust me to honor Him and honor people through this opportunity. Finally, it wasn’t about me, but it was all about Him. It felt good to know I was leading from a healthy heart instead of an insecure, attention-seeking one.
As it turns out, that was one of the hardest seasons I’ve had in a long, long time. Turns out, leadership isn’t this romantic thing after all. It’s service unto others, which is often quite the opposite of glamour and prestige. It’s going first when it hurts and last when it pays. It’s sacrifice. Less of me, more of Him.
All in all, my whole journey with leadership has been pretty rocky. If I’m certain about one thing, it’s this: The pain, insecurity, and fear it brought up were worthwhile because they brought me closer to God. I grew in ways I never would have had I gotten what I wanted in that pretty little box at training camp. I depended on the Lord for my daily bread because I had no other choice. Today I look more like the woman God intends me to be. To know and be known by God more intimately is always, always worthwhile.
So that’s my embarrassing story. But you know what? God used it to equip me for the next season. He revealed a lot through this whole leadership debacle, but the most important lesson is He isn’t finished with these revelations. He wants to keep molding me, redeeming the ickiness, and using my yielding heart to bring people closer to Him. That’s the whole point.
So what’s next? That’s why you clicked on this blog, right? Well…
I am SO EXCITED to share that I will be attending G42 Leadership Academy starting March 2019! G42 is a 9 month discipleship school located in Mijas, Spain where I will learn biblical truths, leadership skills, and ministry tools to equip me to be used by God as I pursue His kingdom for the rest of my life. The program is designed to mobilize leaders to plant missional communities that establish the Kingdom of God around the world.
For some alumni, this could be church planting in unreached regions or it could be shifting culture in corporate America. For me, the experience and knowledge I receive at G42 will likely translate into working with women in vulnerable situations like addiction, abuse, and trafficking. God has given me a passion for His daughters to walk free from dark oppression and into His light, and I hope to funnel that zeal through mentorship and healing community for those looking for a way out. God will work out the details of what this actually looks like, but in the meantime, the knowledge and experience imparted to me will serve to prepare me for the future.
My time at G42 will be split into three segments:
First Three Months
In the classroom in Mijas, Spain. Teachings in the first three months are focused on the core teachings of Christ, developing a “well worn path to the tree of life”, and becoming men and women who cannot be stopped in our pursuit of Christ and His Kingdom.
Middle Three Months
On the field, practicing and applying the concepts taught in the first three months, and actively becoming “God with Skin On”. Interns will practice living above the fog, not circumstantially or emotionally, as they release the Kingdom of God.
Practicums are assigned based on intern interests and will be determined before arrival. They are located all over the world, including the United States, Europe, Africa, and Asia. Look out for details when I learn where I will be placed!
Last Three Months
Back in the classroom solidifying revelations learned, sharing practicum lessons, and celebrating together. Teaching will focus on practical application, and preparing interns to launch into a new way of life after G42.
I am so excited to witness God do amazing things as He builds on the foundation He has been laying for years. I spent a lot of time in prayer over what could come after the World Race and received multiple confirmations that this is what He has for me. I’m so thankful for the doors He continues to open as He redeems my “embarrassment” for His glorious purposes.
Even looking back on the time spent preparing for the Race, I witnessed how God could bind people together to accomplish His will. He used your encouragement, prayer, and support to sustain me in the hard times and push me farther in the easy times. I never, ever thought I would be where I am today, having traveled to the ends of the earth to tell people about the One who transformed my life, but here I am. Here WE are. It wouldn’t be possible had you not joined me on this mission. This is not a one woman show, but a team effort that turned out to be a beautiful success. I wish I could comb through every story of the lives that were touched this year through the work we did together. For now, a thank you for being a part of this will have to suffice.
As I mentioned in my last post, this is my final post to this blog. I wanted to officially close out my Race by telling you where I’m headed next. Cliff hangers are overrated, anyway! I am working on a new blog, which I will share as soon as I’m finished setting it all up.
Lastly, I want to invite you to prayerfully consider supporting me once again as I plunge into this final step of preparation for lifelong ministry that is both effective and intentional. The cost of the program is $9,800, which covers tuition, room and board, plane flights, and field costs for the practicum portion. If you feel God urging you to partner with me financially, you can donate on my fundraising page here. Monthly or one time, any amount is a true blessing to me!
Additionally, I would love and appreciate any prayers you can throw up as I fundraise (not my favorite thing to do, but it is SUCH a cool way for the Lord to show up), move back to North Florida, and continue to navigate reentry.
Thank you again for being such a strong manifestation of God’s love in my life. I pray God blesses you right back!
Love and blessings,
McKenzie
