Hey future Racer,
You probably found this blog on the recents page. I know, because I was just like you, browsing blog after blog to scrape together some semblance of an idea of what I was getting myself into.
I want to bring you into something that you might not see as often as packing tips or otherworldly testimonies from the field.
I want to talk about the excruciating yet freeing process that you will inevitably walk through if you truly choose in to this thing. God will strip you of the things that don’t serve you or Him. He will radically transform your life.
Training camp was but a beginning. Maybe you learned a lot, overcame some shame, and confronted old pain. Maybe the Lord cracked the door on what’s to come, but trust me, there’s more. There’s always more with Jesus.
For me, the stripping and transforming has meant many things. One that’s marked bold in my mind is my recent journey with releasing yet still more control. Well, I’ve released the thinking that tells me I have control in the first place.
When I signed up for the Race, I knew I was simultaneously signing up to give up life as I knew it.
There are the obvious things like a closet full of clothes, Starbucks, freedom to do what I want without constant consideration of how it may affect others, and the list goes on.
The thought of abandoning these things wasn’t big, hairy, or scary enough to keep me from saying “yes” to God’s firm tug on my heart. It’s almost silly to compare the trade-off between Starbucks and seeing heaven touch earth all around the world. I knew I could manage to temporarily let go.
Along the road I’ve traveled over the last five months, I’ve seen that letting go of the tangibles was just a measly beginning.
Maybe God cares way more about the heavy baggage weighing down my heart than He does my wardrobe. Maybe the overhauling in my soul was more than a redecorating project, but a full-on renovation.
You see, I used to think I was naturally laid back. If someone begs the question of whether I prefer coming to the river of life prepared with lifejackets, maps, and emergency exit plans or floating along with the current, I’d always say the latter. That was the me I wanted to see.
Nobody wants to be uptight, and I’ve always seen planners, routine-lovers, and schedulers as just that.
If I’m willing to live out of a backpack for 11 months, there’s no way I’m even close to fooling myself into thinking I have much control over my life, right?
Wrong.
One of the things the Lord has asked me to release is the identity I thought I held. He’s lovingly urged me to not say I’m right or wrong for the way He made me, but to accept it and see His gifting in my nature.
So maybe I struggle with control. I like things to go well, and I often try to take premature measures to ensure that happens.
This comes out in many ways. From mentally organizing my day to feeling bitterness rise up when people don’t do as I hope. I see the strengths which flow out of my love for order, but only when it’s exercised with correct measure.
When I’m suffering from bitterness and confusion as the result of the world around me, I can tell it’s from exerting my will. How can I be in line with God’s will when I lack such peace? It just can’t be.
So what’s my point? My point is through the World Race, God has stripped me of the illusion of control.
I can’t pretend to think I hold enough power to impact the circumstances around me when I barely know what’s happening half the time. (helllllo communication mishaps!)
I’ve failed a lot. I’ve suffered a lot through my own thought patterns. I’ve wrestled with God about why people can’t just be what I want them to be.
Finally, I’ve arrived at a place (for today, at least) of peace with the release. I am releasing outcomes, actions of others, and everything in between to take up the promise of peace instead.
When time tempts me with anxiety, I ask God for relief. Being somewhere on time (American time, not African) isn’t nearly as important as being where I am right now. God is only experienced in the present after all.
Pining over what could be if only things would go off as I just know they should is a waste of time.
Sitting in resentment over unmet expectations is also a waste of time.
Regretting what could have been is yet again, a waste of time.
So, yes, future World Racer, I’m talking to you about releasing the illusion of control. Don’t waste this time. It’s slipping through my fingers like beach sand and there’s nothing I can do about it. I have no good choice but to let go and accept God taking His rightful place in the driver’s seat.
Let Him take you through the molding process. Each month you’ll shed a new layer and look in the spiritual mirror to find a closer resemblance to the man or woman He made you to be.
A love for control doesn’t leave room for the grace of God. I pray that you’ll turn it all over to Him and experience exponential joy on your own Race journey.
With love,
McKenzie
