Eleven countries and a thousand goodbyes. Coming in to this, I knew it would be painful to leave the people that would soon become friends and family to me. I was naive, however, in my hope that this would get easier as I went. In contrast, leaving has become progressively more difficult.
Maybe it was all the exciting, unknown things set ahead of me in the early months of this journey. Perhaps my heart’s capacity to love has stretched further than I knew it could.
As my time with yet another host winds down to its final day, I’m reminded that this heartache I feel is actually an answer to a longstanding prayer.
God, break my heart for what breaks yours.
This is an ironic prayer for a girl like me, who used to live in a constant state of apathy. It’s not normal to ask for a broken heart. It’s not normal to dive into brokenness and wear it as your own. It’s not normal, and that’s why it’s not my doing. It’s God chipping away at my often frail, sometimes self-centered heart to make it look more like his.
The Bible gives us so many examples which point us to this part of God’s character. Jesus was moved by compassion. His broken heart literally moved him to action; it didn’t keep him from it.
The more I know his heart, the more I desire for my own to look the same. This wanting springs up inside me like a well, providing me with something like new life. You see, the closer I grow to God, the more I understand him. Naturally, as we grow in understanding of the Creator of all things himself, we grow in understanding of ourselves as the created.
When I started asking God to break my heart for what breaks his, I had no idea what that really meant. I hadn’t yet grasped this dimension of God’s love which I now hold dear. And there’s still more for me to see, taste, and feel as he takes me on new adventures.
The one thing that breaks God’s heart more than anything else is our separation from him. This is because he made us for relationship with him and other people. If this is the basic purpose for which we were made in the first place, it’s no wonder he wants us close. This is how it is supposed to be.
When Adam and Eve sinned against God, a curse of separateness was cast on every generation to follow. Humanity’s pride in thinking they can make do without God is the exact reasoning for our downfall, and it shows in the overwhelming brokenness that lives in every corner of this planet.
God’s heart breaks at the reality of so many people neglecting to come to him and eliminate the separateness. His heart breaks over the girls who are labeled worthless for simply being girls. God’s heart breaks for every woman who believes she can’t go on fighting for her family one more day. God’s heart breaks for the people who don’t know the depths of his love for them. God’s heart breaks, and in turn, he breaks mine.
It’s a good kind of breaking, though. It’s a heartbreak rooted in compassion. It’s a heartbreak spurring me toward action to love the lost and find family wherever he takes me. It’s this urgency to love that makes every hard goodbye worth it.
Each country on the World Race leads me to a new dimension of the Lord’s character. I’m learning that he takes us on adventures for reasons beyond romance. He wants to reveal himself and invite us to be more like him. Often, being more like God means more broken hearts.
Even with this reality that radically following Jesus means deep pain will come, his promises outweigh the cons. Just like Jesus didn’t suffer in vain, neither do we. God’s glory is in every hard goodbye we say, every tear we shed over babies without mothers, and every time we decide to sacrifice our wants to join someone in their brokenness. When we look to him – when we grow to be more like him – it’s all worthwhile.
As I get ready to leave my temporary home, I’m overcome with gratitude for every person that has made the goodbyes so difficult.
Our host, Sangeetha, has been a sister and a friend more than any other host on the Race so far. She has inspired me beyond words and I’m just super thankful to know her.
My time at Rescue Pink was shorter and sweeter than a lot of months on this journey. I’ve been reminded how awesome it is to be a woman, and I get to leave this place with a hopeful heart over all the world-changers I met throughout my time here.
Maybe this is a goodbye, maybe it’s a see you later. Whatever it is, I trust the Lord will continue to move out of his compassion here.
Join me in praying for the women of India. Pray that they would know how strong and capable they are. Pray for each woman to come to know her worth in Jesus.
With love,
McKenzie
