Here we are, at final debrief, in Bali, Indonesia, counting the days. If I’m being real, I’m writing this from a place of limbo.
There’s this push and pull of what has been and what’s to come. I have three sleeps until I land in the States and kiss this beautiful chapter goodbye. The memories are so rich. The uncertainty for what home will feel like is a little sour. As most goodbyes are, this one is bittersweet.
I’m soaking up these last days of living with my people. As hard as this journey has been, I’m going to miss the heck out of the World Race.
There are days when I don’t feel like I’ve changed, and then there are days when I don’t recognize my life from eleven months ago. I’ve learned to love God and people out of abundance, not striving. I’ve laid down my pride more times than I ever thought I would (ouch). I learned what it meant to actually listen to the Holy Spirit. I watched as God’s promise to give me good gifts came to pass. I’ve walked through some serious spiritual mud. I even had a crisis of faith. I’ve said “yes” and obeyed the Lord’s hardest asks of me, even when my flesh was screaming against it. I reached the finish line with joy. I did the damn thing, thanks be to God.
I remember sitting in the living room at Casa de Fuego in Antigua, Guatemala last September. I was only one month in to my Race and every part of this lifestyle was still so unfamiliar. Truthfully, I was just showing up and doing the best I could. I couldn’t have possibly known the adventure God was going to take me on between then and now.
One night, our coaches Keith and Karen gave us the only homework assignment I’ll ever treasure. They asked each of us to write a letter to ourselves at the end of our Race. They encouraged us to go to Scripture and ask Jesus what to write on this blank page.
If you asked me what prophecy meant at this point, I would have probably tried to tell you, not really knowing the answer myself. I’ve since learned that prophecy is pretty simple. It’s claiming God’s promises, whether for our own lives, our neighbors, our communities, or the world. The Bible is full of promises from God, but I didn’t understand that those promises could be for me right now. Despite my lack of understanding, the Lord used this letter to my future self as a prophetic declaration of what my World Race would be.
On the first night of final debrief, Keith and Karen handed each of us our letters, unopened since we last saw them at the end of our first month. By the time I finished reading the words, tears were filling my eyes. My heart was bursting with a celebration of what God did in and through me this year. The weight of His faithfulness hit me heavily, creating a deepened reverence for who He is as Creator of the Universe and my personal friend.
There was a time this year when I wanted to quit on God. My feelings said my suffering was bigger than His goodness. All of this was lies, I know, but it is what I felt in the thick of walking through some of my biggest fears. I had to ask myself if I was willing to consciously say His testimonies weren’t good enough to give me hope for that hard season. In meditating on this, I saw the truth for what it was. Jesus died on a cross. He is acquainted with suffering. I have never walked through anything harder than what He endured when those He loved hung Him on a tree to die. Even in my frustrating circumstances, I had to continue looking to Him, leaning on Him, and choosing Him every day. Now I’m so glad He didn’t quit on me.
Now that you have some insight, the the whole prophetic letter concept may make a little more sense to you. I read it the other night and felt the words jump off the page as I tied everything back to specific experiences I’ve had on the World Race.
“Dear McKenzie,
Wow! You’ve made it through so much of this journey. You have looked to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of your faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God (Hebrews 12:2). You have endured. You have despised the shame. You have been seated with the Lord. This is because you looked to Jesus. He has made you radiant and unashamed (Psalm 34:5). You are a chosen instrument of His – to carry His name to all those you encounter (Acts 9:15). It doesn’t matter if you are an unlikely choice. For you are the clay, molding into the Father’s hands (Isaiah 64:8). His grace is more than enough to override your failures this year (2 Corinthians 12:9). He is a faithful God. He can do His wonderful works again (Psalm 40:5). Remember when it gets hard, you are more than a conquerer in Christ Jesus who loves you. He has blessed you in countless ways (Ephesians 1). You are his daughter, adopted for a purpose. He redeemed you with his blood, forgave your trespasses, gave you wisdom and insight into the mystery of his will, and gifted you with an inheritance. He sealed you with the promise of the Holy Spirit. These aren’t random Bible verses, but pieces of the personal love letter He wrote for you. Jesus sings these sweet truths over you every day. It doesn’t matter how you feel as far as how good God is. His truth doesn’t change with your circumstances. Don’t listen to the voices of this world. Your identity is planted in His love, His sacrifice. You were chosen before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1:4). Even when life hurts and you struggle, He is with you. He adores every part of who you are. Walk that truth out. Shake off the lies of the enemy and serve your God with your whole heart. Take up your cross and follow him every. day. (Matthew 16:24). Please remember to build up your teammates in love (Ephesians 4). So the last will be first and the first last (Matthew 20:16). Get underneath them and let them shine. Die to self and be free with Christ. I can’t wait to meet this version of you. Keep pushing in to Him.
Love,
McKenzie”
The Lord is faithful indeed, and I’m holding His promises a little tighter today.
Love and blessings,
McKenzie
