The call. The feeling of having one purpose in life. The thought if you didn’t do this one thing with your life, you will constantly be filled with the feeling of being unsatisfied and emptiness. These are the thoughts that have been keeping me up at night lately.
Before I was born, The Lord had a specific plan for my life. A plan He is slowly laying out before my eyes and letting me have a glimpse of. He has been all over my life and as I was enjoying sabbath today, The Lord and I had a time of reflection. This is what that looked like…
I have been told to read by multiple people, several times to read the book ”Kisses from Katie”, but just ‘haven’t found the time’ to do that. Yesterday, my squad mentor, Amy, mentioned she had the book with her and that I could borrow it. I decided to pick the book up and start to reading it today. While this is a book about a young woman feeling the call of starting an orphanage in Uganda and we do not relate in that way, there was a statement in the book that made me pause and reflect. She says, “Slowly but surely I began to realize the truth: I had loved and admired and worshipped Jesus without doing what He said. This recognition didn’t happen overnight; in fact I believe it was happening in my heart long before I even knew it.”
I reflected on that phrase ”it was happening in my heart long before I even knew it” and realized God has been working on me before I was even born for the things He is calling me to. He told my grandmother I would be called to missions before I was even born. I remember how I felt before going to Haiti very clearly. Pure excitement. One day, lounging in the pool at my grandparents house before going to Haiti, my mom was trying to prepare me for the things I was about to experience: emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I still couldn‘t stop the pure joy flowing from my heart for the things that were to come. During this trip, The Lord spoke to me for the first time in my life. I remember on the trip having the mind set “if He calls us to do this, why do anything else with our lives”? Of course I was quickly answered with the fact we have responsibilities. We were to go to college, get a job, have a family, and sustain for ourselves.
I can not express to you how mad this statement made me. I wanted more at this point. I had experienced more of God and craved more. I remember crying in the car to my mom and grandmother after this trip and telling them I felt called to missions. At the time, I thought this would forever be me in Haiti. My mom responded with telling me that the things that annoyed her with me, were ways God actually created me to be for this calling in my life. I am a very ‘go with the flow’ type of girl, I adapt to new things so easily, and I could not care less about the things that the world tells us to care about. I for sure thought my calling would be back to Haiti, but when I learned about the World Race, I knew that is what The Lord had for me. One night I was talking with someone who asked me what was next after the race. I gave him the very vague plan I have planned for my life, but making sure to include I feel no call to long term missions after giving my one year of life up. He jokingly said “what about 2 years then?’’. I do not think I found this as funny as he did, because in reality I was terrified of God calling me to more. Before leaving for the race, I had this overwhelming joy and I clearly remember feeling it once before this: the feeling I had in the pool before I left for Haiti. After arriving to Indonesia, we were walking the streets. I felt the same thing pop into my mind “why do anything else with our lives if this is what He has called us to do?” Along with this I felt The Spirit impress on me, “this is what I have made you for. This is your soul purpose.”
While reflecting on all of these things, I realized how much God has worked in my life to call me to such a thing as this, but also how He is continuing to work on me for the things to come. I see now that my call was not to Haiti. I did not only have these thoughts while in Haiti, but also these thoughts in Indonesia. I just arrived to Malaysia and still have this very mindset. I realize now that God didn’t call me to Haiti, He has called me to overseas missions. I also realized that the thought of two years doesn’t scare me. If God were to move me permanently overseas, I would willingly go. I am not saying He is going to do that, because He hasn’t given me direction, but He does have a place for the rest of my life and overseas missions coinciding in some degree. It is funny how The Lord shifts our mindset on things to accomplish and be willing to do the things He has set before us to do.
You may ask why overseas? Why not right in America, and all I can say to that is there is an essential purpose to both. I believe both are equal in importance to bringing the Kingdom together. Ministry is life and life is ministry. I can honestly say I have never experienced the amount of joy I am experiencing now. Not because this life is glamorous with travel and adventure, because it isn’t always. We have seen more than I would ever want to see, I have felt emotions that I cannot explain, and I have had more spiritual warfare and watched the enemy attack the people around me that I love more than I would ever want to experience… BUT I have also experienced the love of The Father more than ever, had a community that is crazy on fire for Christ, and see the hope in every single place I have been. Oh wait this still didn’t answer your question of why overseas and not America? Simply… I have received the call.
