God’s character never ceases to amaze me. That is one of my favorite things in my relationship with Christ. The manner in which He reveals Himself to me is so sweet. He is so patient with me, which I have to thank Him for more often then everyone should know. Sometimes the Lord reveals things about Himself that bring conviction to me because He also reveals things about myself. Today, this happened.
I am a very skeptical person. I do not trust people. Trusting people comes with the possibility of being hurt or disappointed, which usually happens because we are only human. This flaw of mine is such a hindrance on my relationship with Christ. Many times, The Lord speaks to me and our conversation goes as followed:
Him: speaks truth to me
Me: this isn’t you
Him: reassuring me again
Me: I ignore him (I am really good at this part)
Him: confirms through scripture, His Spirit, and other people (He is even better at this part)
Me: *a week later* but was it really you?
I constantly question God and the things He has promised me. Today, as I was questioning Him and asking Him for “just one more confirmation” on things He has already confirmed to me, He asked why I didn’t trust Him. Ouch. I came to the conclusion that my perception on part of His character was wrong. When I fail Him, which is often, I decide for myself that I am now unworthy of the things The Lord has already promised me. In my head, He has now changed His plans for me because I am not good enough for what He has given to me or promised me. “If we are faithless, he remains faithful- for He cannot deny Himself.” 2 Timothy 2:13.
I rested in this verse for some time. It all clicked. Of course you are still going to give me the things in which You have promised me because it isn’t in your character to change because I am flawed and fail you. I felt so horrible when I realized I have been viewing my Father as someone who gives to me when I am “good”, but takes away when I am “bad”.
Oh, and if that isn’t good enough already, I decided to write this blog after this revelation He gave me. I go to my car to get a journal to write in and the verse confirmed what I was asking Him to “confirm just one more time”. In awe and resting in His faithfulness tonight.
