Being back in the States, quarantined, with literally nothing to do has given me the opportunity to reflect a lot on the past couple of months in my life. As I reflected today and was worshipping God, He gave me a vision, so I thought I would share.
A month ago, my team and I were doing our daily team time activity. For that specific day, we chose to have blackout worship. What this looks like is turning out all the lights in the room and worshipping God however you please. 10/10 recommend bringing this practice into your life. We all got to choose a song to listen to. One of my teammates chose the song ‘’Refiner’’ by Maverick City Music. It was the first time I heard this song, but was so drawn to it. At the end, it leads into spontaneous worship (MY FAVORITE) which looks like letting the Spirit lead you in things to sing or say. In this particular song the lyrics go “burn me beautiful, burn me lovely, burn me righteous, burn me holy”.
I loved singing those lines. I had zero knowledge of what Steffany Gretzinger meant by these lyrics, but I could not get them out of my head. One day, I was singing this song and Em shared with me that Steffany had prayed for God to burn her in His image and to completely renew her. After this, an angel visited her and in the angel’s hand was fire to burn her in the Lord’s image. After this, she wrote these lyrics. The lyrics I could not get out of my head.
Not long after this, we got news that we would be coming home. Immediate fear rushed over me. “I am not ready, Lord”. I was terrified that the Lord had not yet prepared me for the challenges of coming back home or the temptations that came along with being home. I knew the change He had made in my life, but I could not possibly be ready to live out this lifestyle without the community I was surrounded by. I have no community at home and what were the people in my home town to think of me when I came home on fire for God when I left still in obvious sin? I couldn’t shake the heaviness of the fear of not being equipped and useless in the Kingdom work in the United States. God quickly gave me a vision. I have had prophesied over me several times the color yellow, the sun, and light. I saw a door, it was cracked. Sun beams were shining through the crack. On the other side of the door, people were lined up. God reassured me that the people in line were people coming in contact with me and would see Him radiating through me. That I was changed and equipped to do anything He ask of me.
Today, as I was reflecting on all of these things, I decided to go for a drive to listen to my worship as loud as I pleased without disturbing anyone around me. I listened to the song “Refiner” again. I completely understood the lyrics of this song that I once was clueless on. God has burned me beautiful, lovely, righteous, and holy. He has made me a new creation in Him who is set on fire to do the work of Him. He gave me a vision of me standing, fire surrounding me, it went all the way to the top of my head to the point I could no longer see myself. As the fire came down, I saw myself in a wedding dress. Of course! I was represented as the bride of Christ. Not only was He showing me that yes, He has made me a new creation in His image and that I would be able to conquer the fears the enemy had filled my mind with, but also that I was His bride aka the church. That He has me exactly where He wants me right now, which happens to be America. While in America, I am to be his bride, the church. How sweet of the Lord to let me know He has prepared me and trust me with doing what He has called me to do in America? I do not understand everything and I still have a lot of questions, but I am feeling hopeful of what God is about to do + I am filled with faith of Him using me to accomplish these things.
Today I am thankful for sweet time with Jesus, visions, revelations, and time for reflection despite being stuck in my bed and alone!
Please continue to pray for all the missionaries that have been sent home. This adjustment has not been easy for everyone. Processing is hard, adjusting is hard, and sole dependence on the Lord is hard. But p r a i s e s that we serve a God who is all knowing and goes before us, fights our battles, and has came out victorious every time!
