“Marriage is the most sanctifying thing you’ll ever experience. It will be the greatest joy of your life. Don’t worry, God has someone amazing in store for you. One day it’ll be your turn, just be patient and wait on the Lord. I can’t wait to see who you marry. I bet you’ll meet the one on the World Race.”
If you’re like me, your last relationship ended over a year ago. Over the last several years, you’ve dipped in and out of love and confusion about love and disenchantment about love. Every Sunday, you look around a church lobby seemingly filled to the brim with couples and you wonder if God likes them more than He likes you. I mean, He’s given them the gift of a partner in Christ. But you? You’re alone. Your current options… are they even options? Or have you over exaggerated every sentence and smile in your head, so wanting to be pursued by him but afraid to hope in the possibility? You try to be unassuming, all the while constantly asking yourself “Does he mean what I think he means?”
Everyone else is in a great relationship feeling like this:
And you feel like this:
If you’re like me, your pendulum swings between desiring a relationship for about 7 minutes every day to enjoying the other 1433 single minutes and hoping they never end. And you’ve heard the phrases at the top of the page an eye-roll-inducing number of times. You don’t know whether to be begrudgingly thankful that people want you to be happy or pissed off that people seem to think you need the constant reassurance that one day a man will come along to sweep you off your feet.
And this all comes from a girl who enjoys being single.
Those bolded phrases are all well-intentioned statements I’ve been told over the last couple years.
But I’m here to suggest that they all fall short of a greater joy.
As a young Christian female, I often feel that I’m bombarded with the message that my life will be most fulfilling once I’m married.
I can make arguments as to why my life is complete and fulfilling now. I can use my time however I like, whether that’s work, ministry, or pouring into my friends. I can use my financial resources however I like, supporting my local church and missionary friends. I can say “yes” to God with unhindered spontaneity.
I’m going to let Paul do the arguing for me though:
“Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do…An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:8, 34b-35
It’s easy to pretend that this passage doesn’t exist. It certainly doesn’t fit in with the married, 2.3 children, picket fence vision of life we’ve conjured up.
When Paul says, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes,” we emphatically nod along in great agreement. Preach it, Paul. When Paul says, “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me,” we go tattoo it on our bodies. When Paul tells us that love is patient and kind and never fails, we type it up in a cheesy font and plaster it over the walls of our houses on distressed wood panels.
But when Paul tells us that it is good for the unmarried to stay so, we sort of glance at each other, give a small laugh that conveys our disbelief and uncertainty, and quickly move on to talking about our weekend plans.
I’ve heard time and time again to wait on the Lord’s timing. In His timing, He will place a godly man in my life. But placing my hope in marriage is to place my hope in something far less than God. No human can fill my ache to be desired and wanted. Praise Jesus that he pursues me and loves me perfectly.
So I’m here to state a truth that many of us would like to turn a self-blinded eye to.
God’s greatest gift to me might not be marriage.
God’s greatest gift to me might be a life of singleness. A life devoted solely to Him, and no other man. A life in which He has my undivided attention, seeking to please only Him.
And that is the greatest joy.
Singleness may not be a temporary stage, but a permanent state.
If marriage is my future, I will praise God for that gift. I will gladly welcome in a man who steps up next to my side, looks over, raises a challenging eyebrow, and then leads me in a sprint towards Christ. And if singleness is my future, I will praise God for that gift. I will gladly step up alongside God and smile at what He has planned for us in order to glorify Himself.
So please, I ask for myself and all the other single men and women, don’t make us feel as though this season is simply a storm to weather or a trial of patience to endure. Instead, please celebrate and rejoice alongside us that God has our undivided attention. Praise God that He has given us this time to be focused solely on pleasing Him and no one else.
