After much wrestling with my thoughts here is my attempt to explain my time at training camp; it was disappointing. Ugh I even hate writing it because it seems unfair but honestly I felt that way, please hear me out and let me explain.
First off M-squad is incredible and I am so blessed to know them. I am honored to call them family and humbled by their love.
I am also blown away by the staff and their dedication to allowing God to choose our teams and leaders.
So you may be thinking, why are you disappointed then?
Expectations suck but they truly humble me. I went into traininng camp expecting to be challenged, leaving filled with the Holy Spirit, understanding God’s plan for me, experience God’s love in a deeper way and the list went on.
To be honest none of that happened until I got home. I left convicted, upset, and unsure of what was next and who I was. Thursday night the Holy Spirit convicted me of the selfishness in my expectations. The list was all about me and I spent so much time focused on what God was going to do for me, I missed what he did in other people. That sucks. I don’t feel I can truly express how much it hurts that I missed out on seeing God change people cause I was selfish.
On friday we had a feedback day and my team pretty much unanimously pinpointed my inability to open up with people. More conviction flooded in. Saturday camp is over and I am left upset cause I didn’t have the camp “high” I expected.
The funny thing about God is he always confirms things in 3’s for me. First he shows me my lack of openess, then uses my team and finally my boss on monday gives me a review and tells me my goal for the next 2 months is to understand and then tell people how much they mean to me.
Training camp did not meet my expectations and I was disappointed but then God used that to blow my expectations out of the water. So here it goes to a year of learning to love and be loved.
