I am now officially in the “home-stretch” of not only the 2015-2016 school year but of my entire undergraduate career. How that happened so quickly, I’m not sure, but I’m sure that it is happening because I just returned from spring break, during which life showed up and was like “hey, I’m happening. And I’m happening quickly,” and I was like “hold on, life, I need a minute to decide how to respond.”
Life is happening and it’s happening very quickly.
This spring break I talked with so many people about how I’m so close to being done, shopped for dresses to wear when I stand beside my sister and my best friend as they say “I choose to choose you forever” to the guys they’ve each chosen to love for the rest of their lives, I had a nice long talk with an admissions advisor at my top-pick for graduate school about real and not just hypothetical situations and grades and applications, and I had a mini party with myself as I drove to good (and stinky) ol’ Nampa for the last time, at least for a good long while. I finalized training camp travel plans, realized I urgently need to finalize the rest of summer plans, field-tested my tiny tent and sleeping pad which will be my home and bed for the better part of my time abroad, and said my first “see you in July 2017.”
I also got to play outside. I hiked, I ran, I walked around in the forest, and I gave my best effort at slacklining. It had been a while since I’d attempted walking across a two-inch wide line strung between two trees, and it was obvious. My legs were shaky and I was unsteady and unsure of my ability. A few (hundred) attempts later, though, and my legs still shook and I still felt unsteady, but I could take a number of steps before falling or launching myself off. I remembered the importance of locking my eyes on a spot in front of me. A few (hundred) more attempts and a day of rest later, my legs wobbled as the line wobbled, but I was steadier and surer of myself as I locked my eyes on and walked my way to an achieved goal.
There is so much joy present in this time of transition, so many exciting things, and so much to be thankful for, and this drive-by from reality didn’t take away any of that, but it did bring to the forefront some of those logic-y questions that I’ve been trying not to ask too often like: Yeah building relationships in 11 different countries is cool, but why not invest in the relationships you have here? Why not focus your humanitarian efforts on the non-profit you were just part of starting? Why not spend the year saving for grad school? How on earth are you ever going to reach the fully funded mark? (more on that one soon). The reality punch couldn’t take my joy or excitement about what’s to come, but it was enough to knock the wind out of me a little bit.
The Lord didn’t ask me on this journey for me to fret about these things. The Lord asked me on this journey because there’s work He wants to do in me and there’s work He wants me to do for His Kingdom, and for some reason this is one of the ways He wants those things to get done. He asked me here to learn about His world and to fully engage in it; to know His people, and to love them radically and unconditionally as He does, and for some reason I get the privilege of doing that in 11 different countries. He asked me here because His logic is better than mine and at the end of the day He is unfailingly good.
Life is happening and it’s happening very quickly.
Sometimes that makes me feel wobbly and kind of takes my wind away. So I’ll lock my eyes on what the Lord has set in front of me, put one shaky foot in front of the other, walk on, and rejoice in the perfect grace of God as my fears and uncertainties grow ever smaller in light of His unfailing love. I’ll have confidence in the Lord because He is good and confidence in myself because the Lord has confidence in me because of His goodness to me.
Or, if you prefer boat metaphors, in the tweeted words of Brad Montague (the man behind Kid President), “When the wind is out of your sails: stop, steady the boat, study your compass, and seek the wind.”
Oh, and speaking of Kid President, if you need some extra inspiration today, click here for my favorite four minutes of inspiration ever.
Oh, and here’s a picture of my legs and a real stud doing better than me at slacklining.
