“We need to talk” seems to be one of those unique phrases that, despite its simplicity, is assumed to imply so much more. For some reason nearly immediately, and probably very irrationally, it induces fear. It’s a phrase that brings to mind the worst possible scenarios, no matter how impossible they might be. It often causes one to assume the worst, to wait in fear, and to spend valuable energy imagining tons of negative possible outcomes that will likely never come to fruition.
I’ve known for a good long while that fundraising a large sum of money was going to be part of this adventure. I knew that the sooner I got started, the better off I would be. I knew it was something that all of us racers would have to do, and I even confidently trusted that I would be provided for. But I continued to make excuses. I decided it was okay if I put off writing letters until the next weekend when I had less school to get done, fewer tests to study for (the next weekend is never more free than the one before it, so I’m not sure what I was thinking there), or when I was done soccering for the season.
But the more I put it off, the more anxiety inducing the thought of it became for me. The more it felt like someone was shouting, “HEY MCCREA WE NEED TO TALK.” As per McCrea usual, the longer I put it off and the more anxious I became about it, the more I felt drawn to my Bible, journal, and Precise v5RT. Also, as per McCrea usual, the more I felt drawn to processing through this anxiety, the less likely I was to actually pick up my processing tools and process because I knew that God would tell me something and whatever he told me would show me how wrong I was and far too often I just love to wait in my wrongness (I really considered inserting some graphs in here as visual aid, but if I’ve learned anything this semester it’s that I loathe Excel, so I didn’t. I’m only kinda sorry).
I started to notice that I’d let some pretty yucky lies creep into my life in other areas as well.
Side note: listening to lies always makes life way harder than it should be.
But I know awesome people and one awesome person shared really incredible words* with me that were written by another person, and another incredible person gave me an incredible gift (THANK YOU, INCREDIBLE PERSON. I hope you know who you are, because I don’t), and without a doubt God was tapping my shoulder and saying in the gentlest, most comforting, it’s-going-to-be-more-than-okay voice, “McCrea Grace, we need to talk.”
So I sat down with my Bible and my journal and my Precise v5RT, and I was shortly reminded that no ugly lie is too ugly for the beauty of beautiful truth. The other really cool thing is that six ugly lies about fundraising were trampled with two truths.
- I was made, designed, hand crafted to desperately need God and to need His perfect idea of community. The race will be done in a pretty raw form of that community, and I can’t wait to participate in that community, but this journey also requires a community to send me. Support from others is incredibly humbling. Humbling, not shaming. It does not say “McCrea, you’re not good enough,” it says “McCrea, you were created for wonderful things; things so great that you can’t do them, but God can do them through you and others working together.” And I pray that any support you bless me with is humbling for you as well; that it is a reminder that what you have – your time, your finances, your gifts – are not your own, but blessings that you’ve been given, that when combined with the blessings that others have been given are exponentially more powerful (blessingful?) than they are in our own hands.
- It’s not about me, or my cause, or my journey, or my abilities. Thank goodness. It is about God’s beautiful, mysterious, powerful Kingdom reigning – reigning around the world, yes, but reigning in my life and yours. It’s about saying “God, literally nothing is more important than your kingdom reigning. Not my pride, my fears, my image of self sufficiency and independence, my comfort zone. Nothing.” And seeing God’s Kingdom reign in the world starts with letting it reign in our hearts, over all we’ve been given, and over all we need.
So asking for support from you who have loved me and supported me so much for so many years still isn’t easy, but it’s part of this journey, and it’s a chance to be humbled, to remember who God created me to be, and to be reminded of His great provision in my life. May we all continue to grow in our understanding of this beautiful truth.
Shortly I will be posting my support letter – my official request that you partner with me in this journey – but given all the processing that it’s taken to even get me to the point of writing the letter, I think it’s appropriate that anyone who reads the letter also gets the chance to understand what it took to get me to write it. Also, many of you will be receiving the letter in the mail and because I love the surprise of opening up an envelope so much, I want all of you to get the chance to do that before you read it here.
*The poem was Where The Echoes Stop by Erwin McManus. It’s a wonderful wonderful poem to reflect on. Read it with Psalm 46:10 in mind. Then read it 47 more times.
