Earlier this week, I was getting ready for the day; for the day that ended up being four hours of exam taking followed by a minute to refresh my brain, three and a half hours of studying for the most daunting exam I’ve ever taken, one hour of Christmas partying and white elephanting, followed by another three hours of studying for said exam. As I got ready, I was feeling wildly unprepared. I’d studied, yes, but I was missing freshman year when I could study the study guide and know that I would get an A. I’d studied a whole lot, actually, but I knew there was always more, that I’d never actually be fully prepared.
I felt unprepared, but I spent my last few minutes before departing my apartment to take my exams putting on boots that click when I walk, red lipstick that I wear when I need to feel like my life is put together (that’s honestly such a dumb thing to do, though. I’m not even good at putting it on because I hardly ever wear it, and then I feel even less prepared to take on the day), my pearl earrings, a beautiful gift intended to remind me that some of the most beautiful things come from really irritating circumstances; and my drapey poncho/coat thing that kind of makes me feel like Snape or one of those wizards whose robes do cool wooshing things when they fly away.
Side note: anyone know how powerful of a wizard you have to be before you can do that?
I even listened to the playlist that I typically used to listen to before games. And once I realized what I was doing, all I could think was “Wow, thank you soccer, for teaching me how to walk into circumstances that I’m unsure of, and to walk in with confidence!”
Playing the second ranked team in the nation is pretty intimidating, and even after weeks and weeks of preparation and knowing what to expect and what to do and having the game plan memorized it’s intimidating, but over my collegiate soccer years, I learned that there are little things I can do that make me feel like I can take on anyone. I never wore lipstick, but I’d make sure my favorite spandex and sports bras were clean. I’d have my favorite pregame snack. I’d hang up my uniform instead of leaving it lying in a wad in the bottom of my locker. Sometimes I even watched a couple clips of myself winning tough battles or making a great tackle to remind myself what I could do. I’d learned that if I could make myself feel confident, even through the silly little things, I could perform more confidently. It was something small, but it’s one of those things that I may not have figured out how impactful it was had I not walked into some pretty intimidating matches.
After my finals were finished and I had a moment to think, I got to looking at this cheesy little list I wrote over the summer while I was feeling incredibly sentimental about heading into my last ever season of competitive soccer. I wrote a list of 20+ things that soccer has taught me.
Over the last couple of weeks, as I’ve expressed my pure terror about being unprepared for the race, trying to make it come off as minor worry, a couple of people have brought up different experiences I’ve had, different things I’ve done, that in some way may have helped prepare me for the race. As I looked over this list of things soccer has taught me, I was struck by how these lessons I’ve learned seemed sometimes petty and simply sentimental at the time I wrote them, but are so encouraging and powerful in light of this upcoming year. I felt an incredible sense of calm in realizing that the Lord isn’t just throwing me into this wild adventure on my own. He’s given me you, and he’s given me experiences, and he’s given me lessons, and he’s given me the most perfect of loves to fill me and carry me and to rest in. He’s so faithful that he was faithful before I ever knew I needed him to be faithful, and I find so much comfort in that, and right now that’s a lot to take in.
I’ll spare you the whole list, but here’s a couple lessons on the list that really stood out to me:
#1. You are capable of far more than you know.
I was reminded of this every single day of every preseason because every morning I was sure I couldn’t walk, let alone play four hours of soccer, but I did. I’ll keep a tally of how many times I need this reminder over the next year and let you know.
#2. Life is better with a team.
Teams are often messy and there are often personality clashes, but there is nothing more beautiful to me than a whole bunch of people with different backgrounds, passions, talents, and ideas working towards a common goal.
#4. You’ll never get better if you’re already the best.
I had a coach tell me this when I was looking to try out for a more competitive team than the one I was on. This isn’t to say that I’m “better” than anyone or that I need to leave where I am in order to be challenged by “better” people. Quite the contrary. I know I’ve got a long way to go, and I fully believe that I’m already surrounded by some of the best this world has every seen. It is, however, to remind me to always let the best in others challenge everything from the worst in me to the best in me, to encourage me, and to push me more into who God has called me to be.
#6. If you want to get better, you better get comfortable being uncomfortable.
Growth is painful, but if you never press into what’s uncomfortable, you never get past the discomfort and into what’s beautiful.
#9. Traveling is a whole lot better when you bring snacks.
Amen, McCrea. Amen.
#14. Sometimes you make mistakes you thought you were done making, but that mistake doesn’t have to be your identity.
#16. I once had a coach tell me, “Don’t be concerned when I yell at you. Be concerned when I stop. If I stop yelling at you, it means I don’t care if you get better or not.”
Listen to criticism from the ones who know you well. They want you to be your best. That’s cool. Filter what they say through the eyes of Jesus, but listen to their criticism. Living in such close community is going to be a challenge. I hope my teammates won’t yell at me the way some coaches have, but I hope they’ll ask me to be better when they need to. And I pray I’ll have a humble heart to accept what they say, and the wisdom to always bring it to the feet of Jesus.
#20. Burpees will never be fun and should instead be called barfees.
I won’t have a gym, so I might do burpees while I’m gone. Dang it.
#21. The circumstances around me might get chaotic, but I don’t have to.
I’ll never be really ready for what’s ahead, and I’d be a dummy to think otherwise, but I don’t think it’s necessary for my list of fears to be long enough that I’d never print it because it wouldn’t be kind to the environment. Tonight it’s my prayer that we might become increasingly aware of how God has been faithful before we knew we needed him to be, and that in any daunting circumstance, we might trust his faithfulness more fully. Tonight I’m thankful for the little things that have been preparing me for bigger things that will prepare me for even more.
