If you asked my closest friends about me, I bet approximately four things would be repeated a few different times*. In no particular order, they are:
- I have a Birkenstock sob story and I’m mostly not afraid to share it
- I believe corn chips are the bread, and salsa the nectar of the gods.
- I positively believe in looking on the bright side of things
- If I’ve had a thought that’s important, it’s probably written down somewhere, probably as part of a list.
I’ve been blessed with a final semester that allots time and more-than-normal emotional energy for fully experiencing all the emotions that come with preparing for an experience of this significance. Some days that’s a lot for this girl with the emotional range of a teaspoon**, but it’s also beautiful and such a blessing. As I process and prepare, I unsurprisingly find myself making mental lists – of things I’m excited for, a little worried about, and needing to be continually in prayer about. In a spirit of vulnerability and partnership, I’d like to share at least part of those lists here, in hopes that you might share in excitement, tell me I’m silly for my worries (or pray over them/me), and join in prayer with me.
Because I also believe in saving the best for last, I’ll start with some worries. In no particular order of importance in my mind, things I’m worried about:
- The food situation. For the last number of years I have gotten exceptionally good at being in control of my food situation so that I know I won’t eat anything that triggers a yucky reaction unless I actively choose to deal with the consequences. With limited funds and generally less control, I’m a little nervous about feeling sick because of food a lot.
- Getting a parasite. I know my eosinophils will do their best to take care of it, but the idea of something living inside of me and stealing my nutrients just gives me the heebie jeebies.
- Being asked to participate in a ministry that I’m just plain bad at.
- Getting permanently dirty and stinky and becoming repulsive. Also, it’d be gross if I couldn’t shave my legs for a couple of months for some reason.
- Not getting alone time for too long (I hear alone time is super rare on the race) and having an emotional breakdown at a really inopportune time or lashing out at a teammate.
- Packing all the wrong things. Almost every packing blog says something different and I don’t know what to believe.
- Being really bad at staying in contact with people back home. No part of me wants this to be something that I do alone. I’ll have a team I’m with, yes, but in no way do I want to leave out the people who have shaped me and supported me for so long. Also, selfishly, I don’t want people at home to be too good at me being gone either.
- Not making the most of every day on the Race and not living fully in each moment.
- Getting attached to teammates or ministry locations or ministry partners or people I meet and having to say goodbye every month.
- Seeing firsthand some of the really difficult things happening in this world and growing bitter and hard-hearted.
- Not meeting fundraising goals.
- Finding out that actually I don’t really like traveling and being away from home for that long.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about worry, though, it’s that either the thing I’m worried about never comes to fruition or it does, and still, all is well. Some of these things may happen and some may not. A lot of things will happen that I haven’t listed. I pray, and I ask that you pray with me, that on this journey the Lord continues to turn my soul into one that declares no matter what, that all is well and that whatever happens, my soul would always be ready to sing His praise.
The other thing I’ve learned about worry is that if there’s nothing to be done about it, a good thing to do is to make a list of things I like to remind myself how much good this life has to offer. So, the list of things I’m really insanely stinkin’ excited for:
- The food situation. Trying new things, being adventurous with my palate, indulging in all sorts of Asian food goodness, and even the challenge of surviving on just a few dollars a day.
- Getting wildly uncomfortable in order to do good for others. Over the last two years I’ve made it a regular prayer that I might become comfortable being uncomfortable and I’ve seen that prayer answered time and time again, but I’m excited to see it answered in new and foreign situations.
- The infamous missionary Chaco tan.
- Seeing firsthand the things I’ve read about, putting faces to numbers and stories I’ve heard, and learning about the world through the lives of others.
- Simple living that won’t be nearly as quaint as that sounds, but will be simple and adventurous all at once.
- Climbing new mountains.
- The relationships I will build with teammates and those we minister to, alike, and learning to bare my soul, love more deeply, and live more fully as a result.
- Having little but Christ’s love to fall back on and learning to rely on that like never before.
- Seeing parts of the world I’ve never seen before and never even planned on seeing.
- Serving others I wouldn’t otherwise have a chance to serve. There is no distance too far to let another know that they are loved and I get the privilege of letting others know by serving them that not only are they loved, but that they are loved fiercely and unconditionally by the King of Kings. Whoa.
Finally, prayer. More than your donations, I covet your prayers. All that my team and I do is nothing if it isn’t first brought to the feet of Jesus or if we don’t first empty ourselves there. The continually praying about list is as follows:
- A continually humbled heart, aware of who I am and who God is and who I am as a result of who God is, for when I’m aware of that, I’m able to serve and uplift in a radical way.
- Continued provision – willing supporters, creative ideas, and courage to ask.
- Those we serve – that our service might be mutually dignifying, that love would be communicated, and that service would be meaningful.
- Eyes that see others the way God does, a mind open to learning the lessons the Lord has for me, and a heart ready and able to celebrate with, hurt with, and love my teammates and those we minister to.
I know that’s a lot and if you’ve made it this far, you rock extra hard. Only 150 days until launch and 90 days until training camp, and I get more excited to participate in the Lord’s work in new places every single day, and I also grow increasingly aware of how much you as supporters, prayer partners, and friends mean to me.
*No scientific study was done in the making of this blog post. I only actually surveyed my boyfriend and he just talked about how I change my voice around dogs and sometimes “use that like demonic throat voice for things”
**I generally like to claim similarities to Hermione, but in the emotional area, I’m a bit more like Ron than I like to admit.
