As my launch date in October quickly approaches (training camp is only 3 weeks away!!!), I have been feeling something that I just can’t seem to shake: fear. While I am extremely excited for the incredible journey that God has me on, I can’t help but feel scared for so many different reasons.
I’m scared that I’m not good enough to go on a trip like this.
I’m scared that I won’t be able to shine brightly enough to pierce the darkness that is consuming our world.
I’m scared of what it will feel like to have my first inevitable panic attack in a developing country 5,000 miles away from home.
I’m scared that I won’t reach my financial goal in time.
I’m scared that I’m too flawed for this trip.
I’m scared of the dangers that I will encounter.
I’m scared that I’m not Godly enough.
I’m scared that I’ll see so much pain and suffering but won’t be able to do anything about it.
I’m scared of not having all of the daily comforts that I have been privileged to enjoy in my life.
If I continued listing the things about this trip that scare me, it would take me hours to finish. Although all of these fears can feel overwhelming at times, I need to continually remind myself that I have someone on my side who will carry me through everything that I’m afraid of.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” ~ Joshua 1:9
If I allowed my life to be dictated by my fears, I would probably never leave the house. The beauty is, this trip is not about what I’m afraid of. This trip is about God and the work that He will do through me. This is about the little girl sitting in an orphanage, feeling as though nobody loves her. This is about the women in India who are so mistreated and made to feel worthless. This is about what God wants to do, not what I want to do. It’s about God’s incredible power and love that He will show through my actions.
Although I have so many fears running rampant within me, I know that God will be there to sustain me through weakness, worry, and danger. He has been there for me every day of my life so far, and I know that that’s not going to stop now.
“The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” ~Psalm 118:6
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