On Thursday, I leave Ecuador. Wow, it makes me sad just typing that.
When I found out I was going to Ecuador, I had no expectations. I had never even thought about going to Ecuador before, so it didn’t really matter much to me if I did or didn’t go. Now that I’ve lived here for 3 months, however, I really don’t want to leave. My time in Ecuador has been utterly unforgettable and I absolutely love it here. I have done things I never thought I would do, been immersed in a culture that I am quite fond of, and have met an abundance of people who I have truly grown to love and don’t want to say goodbye to.
In this blog post, I want to talk about those people.
For about half of my life, I have lived at a distance from those around me. I have done my best to keep them at arms length, living by the unhealthy motto of “don’t let anyone close enough to hurt you.” Because of this, I never formed truly deep relationships with those around me.
But hey, at least I kept myself from getting hurt, right?
For the first month in Quito, I continued to live by that motto. Knowing that I would be leaving in a month, I didn’t want to get close enough to the people I was meeting that I would be sad when I left. Honestly, I was successful. When I left Quito, I didn’t really feel anything but excitement for my next two months in Cuenca. I kept myself safe, but I probably missed out on some really awesome relationships because of it.
These two months in Cuenca, however, have been a much different story.
For almost the entire first month, I continued to keep my distance from the people around me; I didn’t want to develop relationships only to leave two months later. Towards the end of that month, though, I decided that that mentality was complete garbage. Even if it resulted in pain or sadness, I wanted to truly develop relationships with the people around me.
I started interacting a lot more with the people here, whether it was with people at ministry or with the various people who were constantly in our apartment for Bible studies, church services, guitar classes, or whatever else they were doing. I allowed myself to get closer to my team, not holding back anymore as I had been. I actually developed close relationships and started to feel a distinct love for my team and those around me. It terrified me, but it really did feel good.
Pushing past the fear of getting hurt has allowed me to build relationships with the beautiful people here in Ecuador that I am truly blessed to know. It has allowed me to have unforgettable moments that I will fondly look back on for the rest of my life. It has given me the wonderful and strong desire to return to Ecuador; a desire that has already built up within me despite having not even left yet.
This beautiful thing, though, has definitely still come with some pain. The fact that I’m leaving has really been setting in over the past week, and with that has come great sadness.
One week ago, Jordan and I went back to Baños – our favourite place in Ecuador – where we met countless incredible people. Some we met at the beginning of November during debrief, and others we met last week. For those we just met last week, we had a lot of fun and certainly created lovely memories. With those we had met in November and were seeing again, though, saying goodbye was so hard. Going to Baños a second time allowed us to spend a substantially greater amount of time with them compared to our brief time back in November. Honestly, when I look back on Ecuador, the moments that I had in Baños will be the ones that stand out to me the most. Saying goodbye to those people was just the beginning of what I know will be an abundance of difficult goodbyes, and it hurt so much knowing that even if I did come back to see them, it wouldn’t be for quite a while.
Despite that pain, though, I have so many great memories from my time spent with those people, and I’m so grateful to have met them. I will always have things that remind me of those times, whether it’s an inside joke, friendship bracelets that we got (true story), or a certain song. Even though it’s hard to say goodbye, I don’t regret building those relationships one bit.
Now, as I write this, I’m sitting here thinking about all of the amazing people I will be saying goodbye to on Wednesday when I leave Cuenca, and my heart is both breaking and filled with joy. It is breaking because I am saying goodbye, but it is filled with joy because I’m so grateful that God gave me the beautiful opportunity to know them all.
There has – and still is – so much pain and sadness from allowing myself to get close to the people that I meet, but I have come to realize that those seemingly negative emotions are just a reminder of the love that I have felt. Even as I sit here with pain in my heart, I wouldn’t give up the experiences that I’ve had and the relationships I’ve built for the world.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.” ~ 2 Corinthians 13:11
Side note: I am still $2,695 USD away from being fully funded!! In order to stay on this trip, I need to be fully funded, so please consider donating if you’re able! Thank you for all of your support and prayers so far!
