One New Years Eve, my entire squad was in Toronto for a few days for a little break before heading to India. I was completely exhausted from travelling by both bus and plane for an accumulative time of about 40 hours, so when I went out to celebrate the new year with a couple teammates, I ended up crashing before we even stepped out of the car. I sat in the car in the middle of a parking garage downtown, contemplating whether or not I wanted to simply sleep in the car while my friends went out.
Fortunately, I decided not to stay in the car and instead went out to explore. That night, I met quite a few cool people, but one in particular left the most memorable impression on me.
We were walking down the street around 1 am, the ice cold air chilling our bones as we searched for somewhere to eat. Sitting on the sidewalk, a blanket wrapped around him and two dogs by his side, was a man. As we walked by him, I felt that all too familiar nudged from God:
“Go talk to him.”
Because listening to those nudges is something I have been working hard on, I took a deep breath and told the teammates whom I was with that I felt we should talk to him. They happily obliged and we approached him – his name was Taite – sparking an intriguing, heartbreaking, and eye-opening conversation.
After proudly introducing us to his two dogs, he began telling us his story.
Due to epilepsy and other medical disorders, Taite spent his childhood living in hospitals. Because of this, he never received an education. He has never had a real home; the closest thing he has ever had to one is an old trailer with a small kerosene heater to keep him warm, which is where he currently lives. His family mistreated and abandoned him, leaving him with gaping emotional wounds. His father, whom he met when he was 15, refused to help or support Taite despite having a fair amount of money. His brothers and sisters, he said, degrade and shame him whenever they see him, leaving his spirits crushed.
He spoke of paranoia that he experiences due to an excess of drugs in his past. It was clear by the stories he told that he battles mental illness of some kind, as, tragically, many homeless people do. His upbringing and current condition clearly left Taite feeling hopeless and dejected, as was evident from the way he repeatedly insisted that his life would never get better.
He told us stories of countless close encounters he has had with death, saying each time that since his first near-death encounter when he was 8, he has wanted nothing more than to die. He then proceeded to say that, despite his strong desire to pass from this life, he knew he wouldn’t die until God decided it was his time. When he mentioned God, our ears perked up.
He began to explain that he had had the Lord in his life since he was young, and that He is what has kept him living a clean life. He detailed how he used to be addicted to drugs, but when he was 18, he cleaned himself up.
Regarding no longer using drugs, Tatie said this: “God lives inside of me and He told me ‘I don’t like this, don’t do this anymore.’ So I walked away… I haven’t touched drugs since then.”
Although he spoke of the presence of God in his life, Taite was still insistent that his life would remain miserable until the day he died. My teammate Jordan asked if we could pray for him, speaking of the power of prayer and how she had faith that God could change his situation. In response, he insisted that his life would never change with a heaviness and sadness to his voice that was so evident it broke my heart. He explained that he knew his life would never change because he had psychic abilities and had met with a psychic who told him so. It was clear by the way he spoke that he was completely convinced that that was the truth. As he continued to speak, my heart began to grow unbearably heavy.
It was obvious that Taite needed a lot of things – a home, psychiatric help, love, compassion – and yet I knew I could do nothing about it. Sure, I could speak to him about hope in Christ and assure him that I cared deeply about him despite us having only just met, but those were temporary. He would still go back to his trailer, feeling hopeless and believing that his life would never improve.
He told us about his dream of opening an animal rescue where he could dedicate his life to loving and caring for animals like the two he had beside him, but I could tell by his tone that he believed he could never achieve such a thing. He continued talking more about his dream, and made this heartbreaking statement: “I want to be a missionary, but I know I will never be able to.”
This man had beautiful, love-filled dreams and aspirations, yet he believed with all his heart that nothing would come of them. All I wanted to do was give him a big hug and assure him that God had more for him than what he had experienced, but I knew that would do nothing to help.
Sitting there talking to Taite, I realized how vital hope is in our walk through life. Without hope, no matter how extravagant or simple our dreams are, we see no point in striving for them because there is seemingly no point. If we have no hope for our future, we simply see an upcoming path of bleakness rather than endless possibilities.
The problem is, when we muster up hope solely from within ourselves, it can be so easily snuffed out by the darkness and tragedy that occur in our walks through life. This is why finding hope in Christ, rather than in ourselves or those around us, is so vital.
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” ~ Isaiah 40:31
When our hope is found in Christ, it is a hope that can never falter. Because the Lord is always with us in our lives, even when we cannot seem to feel His presence, our hope in Him is everlasting and will never forsake us. No matter the trials, temptations, or hardships, we will always be able to look to the Lord and know that He will bring us goodness and carry us to greater things.
Taite is a man who clearly has a compassionate, loving heart that has simply been weighed down by tragedy and misfortune in his life. I ask that you keep him in your prayers, praying for prosperity in his life, and most importantly, hope in Christ and a will to live. To end this, I would like to share a prayer that Taite wrote after his aunt died of brain cancer – a prayer that clearly shows the kind heart that he possesses:
“I pray for those who live in war,
I pray for those living poor.
I pray for those with HIV, AIDS, cancer, and so much more,
And to all the ones we’ve lost from all this horror.
I hope for peace on Earth and that love be shared to all around.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
To read part 2 of this story, click here
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