As I was jam packing my car full of my belongings (it was a miracle everything actually fit too), it really started to hit me. Not in a subtle way, but sort of in one instant. I’m actually doing it. I’m moving where I feel called for this next season of life, and I couldn’t be more excited, yet, nervous at the same time. I think the nervousness just comes naturally when you do something new. It doesn’t matter if it’s speaking in front of a bunch of people or having an uncomfortable conversation with someone or moving somewhere that you have never been before. New things tend to make me nervous because I don’t know what to expect. It’s funny, not in a ha ha kind of way, but in a that makes me smile kind of way, that my journey with going into missions really started with laying my expectations down before I went any further. When I was at my World Race training camp last summer, the very first thing we did was to take our expectations off of everything (the mission trip, our race route, each other, training camp, etc). I thought it was a little weird then and kind of not a big deal, but it has played an important role in how I look at my relationship with Christ.
I tend to put expectations on people or things without even knowing it sometimes, and in turn, other people do the same things to me. Our parents expect us to go in a certain direction or our friends expect us to be there for an experience in their lives, and without even noticing it, we start changing into what others want instead of what God wants us to be. I’m not saying expectations in and of themselves are bad, but if we hold onto them too tightly, they can setup both spiritual and emotional roadblocks that can cripple our walks with Christ. Every time this past year I started to feel distance from the Lord, I started to look at what I had put expectations on in my life. Every single time, I realized that I had taken my “open hand” with God and closed it more. Putting no expectations on anything truly means surrendering everything before the Lord. And as easy as that is to say, try praying that and see how much harder it is. It’s such a dangerous prayer to say “Father, not my will, but yours be done,” but that’s exactly what Christ did as he was hours away from being crucified (Luke 22:42).
So my prayer for this next season is not that it would be smooth or be ideal or whatever other idea I have (although I want those things). My prayer is truly that this season belongs to the Lord. That I give Him full control over it and let Him show me where He wants me to be. Even when it’s hard, I will praise Him. When it’s messy, I will praise Him. When I want to give up, all praise goes to Him. Pray that I would continue to seek Him and to be open to whatever He has planned for my life. Here’s to the new season!
I am also still in need of some monthly donors as well so if you are interested, send me a message and I would love to talk to you!
