I guess I’m not the same. I went to Starbucks today to wrestle down this reality with myself because I just quite didn’t want to believe it… or own up to it. Sometimes it’s hard to face something so drastic and dramatic. It usually comes with some kind of responsibility attached. This whole Kingdom thing for instance – there’s no escaping it. There’s no going back. Once you’re in, you’re in. That’s it.
Face it.
And so I’m having to stare my demons in the face, one whom looks like a spitting image of myself. It’s my old self battling with my new self; the flesh man wrestling to the ground with the Spirit man. And it’s an epic battle on my insides. I squirm when I think about it because it’s so loud and sometimes I’m afraid people might hear it and look at me like I’m crazy.
Probably if you looked in my eyes you could see it.
And I knew that this would happen eventually, that there would be some gigantic collision between two worlds. The challenging part is that it’s only still in thought at this point. I haven’t even set foot on American soil, on familiar romping grounds in Wichita, KS. I’m still wrestling with the idea of it all. The argument between old Matt and new Matt usually looks something like this:
Old Matt: (annoyingly) what’s up?
New Matt: (annoyed) what do you want?
Old Matt: Just wondering if you actually think you’re going to make it back home. I’m not convinced.
New Matt: (again, annoyed) and what do you mean by that?
Old Matt: I’m just saying, who you have become hasn’t been secured has it? You’ve been tested in other countries, but not your homeland. Chances of you failing miserably are great.
New Matt: (scoffs) Are you kidding me?
Old Matt: I’m just saying, even if you don’t think you’ll fail, it’s still a possibility. Plus, no one’s going to understand you. You talk like a nut-case now. You’ll be rejected by your family and friends.
New Matt: (Thoughtfully) Hmm…
Old Matt: you need to change the way you talk, the way you interact with strangers, because no one is friendly in America. You need to mind your own business.
New Matt: I’ve already thought of that.
Old Matt: A lot of people’s faith is a private matter to them. They don’t want some random goofy-faced-looking idiot walking up to them and saying, ‘ I don’t know if this is from God or not…’ or ‘can I pray for your broken leg.’ Most people don’t believe in that healing crap.
New Matt: Yeah.
Old Matt: You just need to find more subtle and less abrasive ways to communicate what God’s done with you. Try not to stand out.
New Matt: But did Jesus really blend in?
Old Matt: Well God had to look like us didn’t He? So He became man. He blended in just fine. You can too.
New Matt: I’m already a man you idiot.
Old Matt: Well, I’m saying that in action you need to blend in. Jesus was a carpenter you know. He lived just like the rest of them.
New Matt: Jesus was a carpenter before John the Baptist opened his mouth. Jesus decided to hang up the apron and get out of the shop to fulfill his destiny… and he never went back.
Old Matt: (defensively) Yeah and then he became homeless and his friends and family rejected him.
New Matt: Was he really homeless? Let’s think about this one, Old Matt. And did his friends really reject him?
Old Matt: Scripture said he had no place to lay his head… and, well, I suppose he called the disciples his friends.
New Matt: Maybe he didn’t have a place to lay his head because they didn’t have pillows yet.
Old Matt: (Aggresively annoyed) Don’t get smart with me.
New Matt: Just saying… it’s a possibility.
Old Matt: (snappy) You’re an idiot.
New Matt: If you call me an idiot you’re calling Jesus an idiot.
Old Matt: Now what kind of nonsense is that coming out of your mouth? Sounds like heresy. I said YOU are the idiot, not Jesus.
New Matt: But the Bible says I have the mind of Christ. So I think like him.
Old Matt: No, but your sin corrupts you and gets in the way of your thinking. You’re imperfect.
New Matt: it’s all perspective, really. I’m being made perfect, therefore, not imperfect because my perfection is not complete. And my sin isn’t an issue – the Spirit is. The more Spirit in my life, the less apt I am to cave into the sin nature, old nature, well… becoming like you again, Old Matt.
Old Matt: You’re saying I’m evil because I cause you to sin?
New Matt: I’m just saying that I like being like Jesus more than the world.
Old Matt: (really offended) Now you’re calling me worldly?!
New Matt: I’m not of the world anymore.
Old Matt: You still have skin on, don’t you? You breathe oxygen, don’t you? You can eat food, can you not?
New Matt: Yes. But I’ve been birthed out of this world and into another. I like to call it Kingdom.
Old Matt: You’re full of philosophical and theological nonsense…
And it goes something like that. Daily. It’s almost entertaining. Actually, writing that was entertaining. Haha. More to come then.
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P.s. That’s a picture of “Team Sanity”
