“I am fallen. I am a broken vagabond journeying through life
one step at a time. I can never find what I am looking for, only glimpses to
keep me on the right path. God’s continually ruining me for my own good… and
I continually complain about it. I’m selfish and out for my worst evil. The
only good that comes out of me comes from the Jesus living within. I am nothing
and He is everything, and wish I could live that out. God only knows I’m just
passing through…” – me
Some of you might not quite understand the purpose of this
‘blog’. I would love to explain the
reason behind it: they told me to. No,
really… they did; however there is another purpose behind it. I’ve been putting my thoughts online for the
world to see for quite some time in an attempt to reveal the real me. I don’t like hiding behind my actions during
the day because sometimes they don’t reflect who I really am. In some cases I’m a really good actor, but
in other cases I’m a really bad one.
Most days I fail miserably at this pursuit, which is why it isn’t my
calling in life. This might also be why
I like words better.
But there is another reason for this online journaling
fad. I learn a lot about myself by
writing and I want to share this ‘literary’ journey with you.
Part of me really wants to understand how I grow. Another part of me is afraid of learning the
truth behind it. I think it would be
easy for me to travel through life not knowing the best way to challenge
myself, the dozen or so ways that it takes to make me uncomfortable – uncomfortable
in a way that stretches me beyond who I really am in an attempt to make myself
a better person – or at least one who reflects more of what God is calling out
of me.
I think we all desire that in some way, we just don’t always
like to challenge ourselves or try to completely give ourselves up for
God. That is what this is all about:
“the spirit of a vagabond.” I am a
wanderer in my faith, not that I drift in and out of faith in Jesus, I’m just a
restless soul eagerly searching for more places I can find Him. A lot of times they are unlikely places from
my home all of the way to the streets of downtown. Sometimes I have to wrestle with my past and sometimes I
mistakenly pry into my future – all in a search for who God is trying to make
me into.
This is the story of my heart searching for a home –
somewhere to settle, to set-up camp and live until God calls me elsewhere.
Do enjoy.
