I stormed into Jake’s office with my mouth gaping wide open. He looked up from his desk and gave me the look that beckons a response. “Jake,” I said, “I made less than $10,000 last year.”
He pursed his lips together, smiled, threw his hands up in the air and said, “hey, God’s been taking good care of us!”
I’ve been wrestling a lot lately with feelings of insufficiency, feelings of being overwhelmed, and feelings of whether I’ll measure up and be able to provide for someone the way that a job in the “normal” workplace could. But sometimes it takes a simple glance backwards to remind ourselves of God’s faithfulness in providing for us when He says that He will.
I look back to last year and see so much abundance in my life. I had a roof over my head, and not just any roof! It was a giant eight-bedroom house crammed full of people who are just as silly as I am. It’s been a community rich in love and overflowing in laughter. Not only that, but I flew over 30,000 miles and set foot in three different countries. I had my hands in helping mobilize thousands of people to the mission field through AIM.
I saw dreams become a reality.
I helped cast vision and create things.
There was never a moment that I went without. Never a day that went by that I wasn’t able to pay my bills. I ate like royalty (we had a lot of steak last summer) and I always had a way to get around (even though I don’t own a vehicle).
The interesting thing about living on faith in America is that it’s one of the hardest things that I’ve ever done in my life. It’s harder than traveling the world for one year. It’s harder than leading a group of college students through the streets of Nashville. It’s harder than approaching strangers and harder than gagging down tuna.
It takes a lot out of a person.
So I was wrestling with this last night and asking the Lord what the hell He really wants from me. As I sat on the deck of my friend’s apartment and listened to the Lord, I just kept recalling of all the ways that He said He’d provide for me. He said that He would always give to me in abundance, that He would always provide, that I would never be without, and that I wouldn’t even know what to do with all of the blessings that He’s going to give me.
I chuckled and simply said, “Lord, all I have is Your word at this point.” Then I distinctly heard Him whisper, “John 8” in my ear. So I grabbed my Bible and this is what I immediately turned to:
I’m not kidding – that’s the first thing I read!
And so I know two things to be true: 1) that God is faithful; and 2) that God has a sense of humor.
