It’s easy to want to just spend so much time reflecting, so much time writing on what’s happened inside of me the last few months, but at the same time I wrestle because I want to spend these last few days with the family that I’ve grown into in this year. I want to look back and I want to look ahead, yet I don’t want to neglect the present. There’s so much going on around us that it’s oftentimes hard to keep up. I want to sit at the feet of these spiritual giants that have traveled halfway across the world for us, but I want to sit side-by-side with my brothers and sisters and soak up the intimacy I have with them. And then I want to just run away and be with Jesus.
I can’t make my mind up.
So I’m sitting in my room trying to find words to close this chapter of my life, but I just can’t seem to do it because in the heart of who I am I don’t want this season to end. I know it must, however, in order to move onto maturity. I feel outside of myself as I write this – never did I think such a thing would be so difficult. And while I want to mope and wallow around in the impending thoughts of discomfort, I realize that I must move on. The Kingdom is far from stationary, even within our own hearts. We have to speak it out, we have to move it out, we have to love it out of not only ourselves, but others.
And so I can’t sit still and I can’t find eloquent words for this simple message: I’m in this thing for life.
