I am a Pharisee. There is no doubt. If I was to say
otherwise, as soon as I finished speaking the heavens themselves would open up
and call me a liar. This is the first blog in a series of posts dedicated to be
[hopefully]-frank confessions of my own self-righteousness, my own pride, and
my own hypocritical nature. It is also a small effort on my part to combat a hazardous
trend Christianity is taking today – teaching people, as a dear friend recently
emailed me, that their one big problem is
that they just don’t love themselves enough. Who doesn’t want to hear
that? I also think saying a person
needs to “forgive themselves” is okay if by that is meant, “rest
in the grace of Jesus Christ that was extended to you, a worthless, God-hating,
sinner.” But, if by it is
meant, “you aren’t nearly as depraved as you think you are and you need to
stop getting so worked up over your sin,” that’s where I begin to get a
little frustrated.
So, let’s begin. If you have your Bibles, turn to Matthew 23
[in my best preacher voice].
Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: “The teachers of
the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must be careful to do
everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice
what they preach. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other
people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to
move them.
“Everything they do is done for
people to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassles on their
garments long; they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important
seats in the synagogues; they love to be greeted with respect in the
marketplaces and to have people call them ‘Rabbi.'”
Do I practice what I preach? No! (and a resounding “no” at
that) – Do not think for one second that
because I am on the World Race I automatically live a more righteous,
God-centered, and others-focused life than you do. In fact, I often use the
knowledge that I am out here “on the missionary field” to let myself off the
hook of really following God’s
commands, and make the excuse that for these eleven months I have sacrificed a
heck of a lot (certainly more than those
people back home) so then I deserve [fill in the blank]. And yet! on
a consistent basis I write and blog and preach about such ideas as self-denial
vs self-love, humility vs pride, giving-though-you-lack vs hording-more-and-more,
and most recently, voluntary poverty. But interaction with the neglected of
society still makes me uncomfortable. I really like -and still try to justify- my
MacBook, my Oakleys, and my expensive REI gear. I am selfish and cheap, and I
really don’t like giving or sharing …and all the while I am telling whoever
will read or listen to me that being a Christian involves loving others more
than yourself and loving God above all, even if you have to sacrifice
everything in this world.
Most everything I do is done for people to see me and hold
me in high esteem. In sports: disregard my competitive spirit, and you will
find I merely want people to know I’m a good athlete because I guess that makes
me more valuable or something. In writing: more than wanting to bless my
readers in passing along to them some poem or something God inspired in me, I
really just want people to know and say that I am a good writer. In daily life:
I say things and joke around because I want people to see that I’m funny; I
dress a certain way and talk a certain way and show off certain music because I
want people to see that I’m cool. Heck, I even like having a big beard because
it gets other people’s attention (but I do
like it simply for the sake of having it too, so I’m still keeping it Mom).
Worse still, I like writing this confession series because
on some ignoble level this false-humility makes me feel even more proud! Will
the madness never end?!
Until next time,
Your friend the
Pharisee
