Has anything ever sounded so sweet?!
Hardly… because you know what that’s the sound of ?… that’s the sound of HOME!
… and this boy… he’s ready!
But sometimes I even wonder, “Does home even exist?” With the intensity of the trip, the dramatic shifting of cultures, the ever letting go of expectations, the bizarreness of just about everything, the crazy swings through the entirety of the emotional spectrum… i must say it often feels like a dream out here… a dream in which I may never wake up.
And within that dynamic, home seems almost unimaginable… the concept of actually setting foot back in America, back on familiar soil, just presents a very strange complex of emotions for me. Writing a blog about going home feels like an impossible task… how in the world can I even express what it feels like to finally be heading home. I know i have only been out here for 11 months… but it rather feels like 11 years… okay, maybe like 5 years. I can hardly even remember departing to the Philippines last year. So going home has for so long felt like an illusion rather than a solid future reality.
To be honest, if it were not for these blog posts, your comments, and the occasional phone call or email i get with people back home… there is little doubt in my mind that i would have completely lost it out here… okay, well i have completely lost my mind… but you’ve helped me have some thread of sanity through it all…
The world race… these countries… all the ministry… it all feels so transient.. it’s slippery… memories hardly stick, everything’s always changing… it literally is like a dream… questioning existence or the nature of reality is not an unusual activity for me…
On the contrary… the thought of home feels grounded… it’s tangible, concrete, unshifting… it is more like my anchor through the storm… it’s the plumb line and point of reference to gain balance and keep my focus. Home is what makes me feel real… and actually makes the experience out here more real…
Some of these realizations are coming into focus as home is now around the corner. I mean I’ve hardly given myself much freedom to indulge in the blessed hope, it just being so far away and too good to be true. But as it approaches, I can’t help for my whole being to start “feeling” home… to know that it’s coming…
and in so doing there is this honest excitement and hope and anticipation growing and developing inside of me… It’s a crazy feeling, I wish my words could do some sort of justice in expressing my emotions… I feel so utterly incapable.
But here’s what i want to say… as this reality of home has grown in my heart, it has increased both my purpose and perseverance out here on the race.
Or let me put it this way… as home approaches, I realize more and more that I am “not” home… and it in some strange way makes me feel more present where I am. Right now… I’m in the Ukraine. And while here, no matter what happens, no matter the difficulty or the trial… I will be home in three weeks!! (this was written a week ago)
Stinky squattie potty with no toilet paper… no food… no translator… no bed… somewhere in the middle of nowhere village… depression… anxiety… loneliness…
Whatever happens (as long as I do not die)… I will be going home so soon!!
(deep breath)
It has given me this crazy burst of, I’d say, energy coupled with contentment… a kind of who cares attitude in light of the future blessing…
… and you may have guessed where this was going. This is how the christian is called to live every day… with the hopeful expectation and eager anticipation of being caught up in glory… of spending eternity in perfect peace and joy… and of beholding the Lamb of God on His throne!
Scripture boldly declares that we are nothing but dust… we are a mist, a mere vapor, appearing and vanishing… we live a life that is but a breath. In the blink of an eye we will be gone! And better yet… we will be in glory! We will be HOME!!
“For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.” -Heb 13:14
“But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like His glorious body..” -Phil 3:20
What I am learning is that i need to grow in my revelation of HEAVEN… big time!! I have seen how the approach of my physical homeland has encouraged me and now giving me strength to withstand trials… how much more should my eternal, spiritual home give me strength and joy for this life…
Moses caught the vision… “He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treatsure of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward.” -Heb 11:26
This past week I had most unexpected ministry opportunity… that turned out to be one of my favorite moments of the year. I was informed by our contact that an elderly woman nearby was afraid of dying… and i was asked to go make a visit. Sure, why not?
So four of us went over to this woman’s house… i had my guitar in one hand, bible in the other… and no idea how this is going to go down… but onward in faith…
and it turned out to be the most precious time…
the good news was… she was a believer!! and after some time of talking, sharing, and reading through some scripture… came my favorite moment…
I sang “Amazing Grace” to her… and you can be sure… It was unlike I’ve ever sung it before. perhaps because part of me was singing it to her… and perhaps another part of me was singing to God with the perspective of this lady dying here pretty soon. Also, I mean things haven’t been easy out here for me… and I just unashamedly indulged myself in the presence of God during the song… “How sweet the sound?” oh how sweet it is?…
As we sang i got choked up hardly able to form some of the words… it was a beautiful moment…
“When we’ve been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun… we’ve no less days to sing His praise than when we first begun…”
