***Note: This blog is based off the beginning of February***
DEBRIEF
After traveling three countries in one day, we finally arrived in Antigua, Guatemala for debrief. This was one of the most beautiful places I’ve seen so far on the race. We stayed in a hostel and there was a lot to do and see.
Debrief is a chance to refresh and refuel spiritually. We had several squad sessions, team sessions, and one-on-one sessions. This was the part that Instagram couldn’t show or do justice. That week at debrief was the beginning of walking in true freedom for the first time for many of us racers.
I’ve never been one for vulnerablity and was running from it during my first month in Honduras. I would rather try to fix my problems on my own. But something God has been telling me for years now, is to be vulnerable with my Christian brothers and sisters; opening up about hidden struggles. So here’s to being vulnerable.
For years I’ve struggled with insecurities and comparisons. Rather that be physical appearance, intellectual knowledge, or spiritual knowledge. I even found it hard to be friends with guys because it was more for me to compare myself to. It was something I felt attacked by during our time in Honduras. I became very frustrated and questioned why I was still having these struggles and not walking in true freedom.
During one of our vulnerability squad sessions, God began to reveal to me the roots of my insecurities. He kept bringing something up that I wanted to fix on my own and pretend never happened. The Lord wanted me to be free from the lies of the devil I had been listening to for years, that people would despise me if they knew. I thought maybe I could get by with sharing with a few guys at training camp, but those lies kept spinning me back into that dark place.
At the age of 12 I was introduced to pornography and it stuck with me. It was the beginning of a lot of guilt and shame for the following 10 years. I have always been thought very highly of, the good homeschooled Christian boy who always had it together. The boy that mothers wanted their daughters to marry.
Because of that dark place in my life that no one knew about, I began to believe that the good people saw in me wasn’t true, as if they were just telling me that to make me feel good, or I thought “if they only knew.” That became my mindset on everything.
Pornography became an outlet for all these insecurities and comparisons, a quick fix. I fought for a way out for years, while ignoring the offer God made me to receive freedom: vulnerability.
From this point on, I am free from the lies and want to begin sharing my whole story to you all. That night at debrief, I shared this in front of 44 squad mates and I can now say it has no hold on me anymore and I can walk in that freedom and rejoice in my testimony. God has such great things in store as I seek, learn, and serve this year. It’s more than just reaching the nations; it’s also about becoming the man that God has called me to be.
NO SILENCE. NO REGRETS.
“They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony“
Revelation 12:11
