I WASN’T MADE FOR PHOTOGRAPHY
As most of you know, photography has always been a passion of mine. I’ve been using that passion since I received my first point and shoot camera at the age of 16. It’s a passion that continued to grow as I became older and I began pursuing it in the business world. I began doing family portraits, proms, weddings, etc… I could officially call myself a photographer. People loved my work and I loved producing it. So what’s the problem here? I was obviously made for photography, right?
NO
I didn’t realize this until about month five into the Race. I didn’t realize that photography was something I found my identity in. Our Alumni Squad Leaders spoke on identity and my first thought was, “I don’t find my identity in anything.” There went that pride speaking again. I couldn’t seem to quit thinking about it and asked the Lord if there was something, and He made it clear that it was photography.
You see, before coming on the Race I had this mindset. My thoughts were that I would take my nice camera, lens, other equipment, and photo-editing software. I would take awesome photos and post them online. Once I did that, AIM would love and feature them. I would then finish the Race with the hopes of AIM using me as one of their photographers. That’s what I wanted… because I didn’t realize that I was capable of doing much more than that.
This identity I found in photography clouded my view of my true identity in Christ. An identity that is capable of so much more… anything. It was waiting around to be used. If you asked me what has been one of the biggest things that the Lord has taught me on this journey, it would be that. The fact that the Lord brought me to this place to show me new things that I’m capable of, that He is capable of. How He wants to perform in new ways through me, no limits. He has shown me I am a LEADER and can do anything I set my heart to do.
I’m continuing to learn who Christ is in me; new gifts, skills, and passions that I have. I know the only way to continue on this path is to realize that my identity cannot be found in any of these “things”, but in Christ.
HOLD UP.
This blog doesn’t end here. Even after learning about this whole identity thing, I was still hanging on a bit. I kept considering sending my camera home. I haven’t really pulled out my camera on the race and couldn’t ever really figure out why (now I know… everything mentioned in this blog). However, one of my worst fears was not having my camera when an awesome moment occurred. I feared several times that something would happen to my camera, like getting broken or stolen. I just couldn’t let go of the thing. So I kept hanging on to it even though I felt as if the Lord wanted me to make that sacrifice for the rest of the race.
Then came Mozambique. Our host, Jaco suggested we pray and ask the Lord to give us a verse for someone. He gave us all numbers according to the order we were sitting in that night. The next morning during breakfast he gave us all numbers again according to the order we were sitting in. Example: If I was 1 lastnight, I then had to give the current 1 this morning the verse the Lord put on my heart. Hopefully that makes sense. But anyways, the verse given to me was Isaiah 57:12-13.
“I will expose your righteousness and your works,? and they will not benefit you.When you cry out for help,? let your collection of idols save you!?The wind will carry all of them off,? a mere breath will blow them away.?But whoever takes refuge in me? will inherit the land? and possess my holy mountain.”
He said that maybe I had some idols that I was hanging onto… Incorrect sound affects went off in my mind. I thought, surely not. Of course, I knew that wasn’t a heart attitude to have so I took it to the Lord, mainly in case it was something that came up in the future where I would need to be reminded of this… That’s when I received a little slap in the face. I realized that identity problem was also an idol problem. It took a little more than a slap in the face to get me to let go of it though…
It came time to pack up and leave our host house without a return. About 30 minutes up the BUMPY road in a packed mini van I realized that I had left something behind. That something was all of my camera equipment that I’ve worked so hard for. I could have insisted we turn around but I was not about to put the team through that; Mozambique travel was crazy enough (So crazy I could write more than one blog about it. But I’m not, ask me later.). In that moment, I had to make a decision… The Lord basically forced me into finally making that sacrifice.
In a weird way I feel a bit relieved and know that it had to happen. Also I know it’s in good hands and I will have it back come Christmas time. This is only a temporary sacrifice necessary for further growth on the Race. Besides, I’m not, and God is not saying all of this to say that photography isn’t a passion of mine given by the Lord. But there’s more and He is showing me how to better use it as a gift and not an identity. Yeah, it sucks that I won’t be able to capture the most awesome moments to show throughout the years as proof that I went on the thing called the World Race. Then again, I want that proof to be found in the growth seen in me, not by a photograph… With all this said, I wasn’t made for photography. I was made to be used by God to further His Kingdom through ALL of the gifts, skills, and passions that He has equipped me with.
Okay, the blog ends here… But…
THE JOURNEY NEVER ENDS 🙂
P.S. Adventures in Missions have pourd out their grace upon me by giving me the opportunity to remain on the field while still trying to raise the rest of the funds. I need just under $1000 to be fully funded. Would you consider supporting/continue supporting me financially?
