Growing up, I heard about baptism regularly, but I didn’t understand the true meaning of what baptism represented and how it would change my life. I wasn’t ready to fully surrender my life to Christ. I was selfish. I wanted to stay on the fence; living for God and living for the world. I was a “Christian” but didn’t live like one because I didn’t understand God’s grace and I couldn’t accept it. I lived my life out of fear, and guilt and shame kept me in chains.
Throughout my life, I placed my identity in others. I compromised my faith and my dreams to fit in. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to feel loved and accepted, so I did whatever it took to please people. I let my insecurities and the enemy rule over my life. Because of that, I started to believe that God wasn’t enough. If God was calling me to follow Him with my whole heart, no matter what the sacrifice would be, then I didn’t think I could do it. That is why I never got baptized. I didn’t truly believe in God’s grace. I believed in God, but didn’t believe in what He had to offer and I wasn’t ready to give up my life for Him. I was hopeless and defeated. It became worse after graduating college because I had no direction in life. I had no idea what I wanted my future to look like. There was no hiding behind my school work or my friends anymore. It was time for me to face my fears, pick myself up, and do something meaningful with my life. That is when God led me to the World Race.
For me, the World Race was more about escaping my life at home. There were sins in my life that I couldn’t seem to shake off. I felt trapped and I wanted to run away from my problems. I was lost and didn’t know what to do. I would cry out to God and never hear His voice.
Fortunately for me, the Fusion route focuses on listening to the Lord’s voice for direction. It was a constant battle the first few weeks of the race. I was wrestling with God and questioning Him, but He remained faithful. He showed up in a huge way.
The second day of training camp in Uganda, we were reading through the passage in Matthew 28 when Jesus tells His disciples to GO. He tells them to baptize in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. We were about to start this journey of spreading the Gospel throughout the nations and I wasn’t even ready to make that public statement of my faith. How was I supposed to tell others about Jesus and show them His love if I wasn’t ready to fully commit to His teachings?
Through prayer, scripture reading, reflection and conversations with my teammates, God continued to teach me the importance of baptism. My team and I read through the book of Acts together. Seeing the life that Paul lived gave me a whole new perspective not only on baptism, but also on what it looks like to be a follower of Jesus. Paul traveled wherever the Holy Spirit led him. He went in with boldness, knowing he was going to get tortured and rejected, but that didn’t stop him from sharing the word of God. Paul’s faith inspired my team to go out and share the gospel with boldness and courage, expecting God to show up.
My squad mentor, Daniel, and I in the Indian Ocean.
Baptism was also a common theme in Acts. Paul would baptize people by the hundreds. They were so eager to learn more about Jesus. They were willing to surrender their lives to Him and get baptized without fully understanding this new idea of Christianity. God continued to reveal Himself and continued to encourage me to surrender to Him.
On May 2, I decided to get baptized. At 10 p.m., my squad and I went down to the Indian Ocean. The water was dirty, and debris filled the water we were standing in. I was going to back out, but was reminded that it isn’t about where I am, it’s about surrendering my life to Christ. The filthy water was a representation of God’s grace for us. Our lives are dirty and messed up, but He loves us anyway. He washed us clean. It doesn’t matter what we did in the past, He has forgiven us. It doesn’t matter what sins we are trapped in now, He has forgiven us. It doesn’t matter what we are going to do. He died on the cross for our sins once and for all. His grace overflows.
I slipped and took a tumble on the way in.
Raised to new life!
Through this experience, God gave me the strength to rid myself of people pleasing. He broke the chains of fear and guilt in my life. He showed me that there is still room for His grace. We’re going to sin because we’re human, but we shouldn’t dwell on our sins. Jesus died on the cross to take away our sins so we don’t have to live in guilt or shame, but in Christ alone. We will never fully understand the sacrifice He made for us on that cross, but we are called to accept His grace and His love. My baptism was a representation of my new life. I now find my identity in Christ and He is the only thing that matters. I’m not being held back by fear anymore. I will boldly proclaim His name and I am ready to give my life to Him no matter what the sacrifice may be.
